Saturday, July 29, 2017

After a bit of a panic...

After a bit of a panic over not loosing anything in almost a week I am pleased to say I lost another three pounds.
I typically have been posting these every two weeks but after my bowel woes and not losing any for a week I figured I would do a 5 week update anyway.

Not noticeable to most folks as fat really does mush into clothes. But I notice that there is one set of pants (I have a few of the same ones) just don't work anymore. They are too loose around the waist. The rest of my clothing fits close to the same.

I guess that's the difference between needing to lose 20lbs vs needing to lose 100.

Weight loss as of today is 28 pounds.
I think I want me to be at 40 pounds lost or more to do the surgery. I don't know that it's possible at the current rate of loss. I average 12.5 every two weeks or so and I have three weeks to go until surgery... so I keep plugging away.

I have been more and more obsessed with food or the lack there of. I was NEVER this obsessed with food in the past. I enjoyed food. I ate food when I wanted and how I wanted, but not out of the normal time frames. Portions was my issue.

I haven't broken down and eaten the "emergency" meal yet (2 eggs). I have that fear that they will look at me and say "nope, still too fat, can't do the surgery". The doubt that they would do that but I want them to know I'll do what it takes to get this done.

The other irrational side is hoping that by this show of strength they will truly avoid the ileostomy. I'm sure my fortitude will have no bearing if I get the ileostomy or not, but the thought is stuck in my brain!!

HOWEVER if I do have to have a bag I feel more prepared in that I have some reach back to support and help on line. I'll deal either way... however may still be vocal about not liking it and not liking the idea of ANOTHER major surgery later to reconnect!!

Thursday, July 27, 2017

I have opened the gates of hell

Oh good lord be careful what you wish for. Apparently I have unblocked and unblocked. And unblocked. Lordie.

I shall not complain too loudly as I'm finally able to get things moving...however time to back off the laxative portion of the regimen!!

My poor bum!!

Wednesday, July 26, 2017

Ok nobody freak

I have a cyst about the middle of my back. It's about dime size and not growing. It's noticeable as a kid found it while scratching my back. Hum.

Ok I admit I'm freaking a little too. I went to the dermatologist today. They took a BIG core sample (smaller than an eraser width, but just barely, and about that long too). It's solid - nothing to drain. She said "it's probably nothing".

Yes, it's off to pathology with it! I find out in two weeks what it is.

Good gawd if it's not one thing it's another!!

So the 9th I find out what it is.

Where's my Gold star???

(Fixed the title from old to Gold!)
Today I 💩'd without noticeable blood.

Yes, it's a victory for me. I'm drugged to do it but I will NOT complain about that fact!!

I found my balance of:
1 Stool softener
1 Stool softener
2 stool softeners with a light laxative

This seems to work without disturbing the locals (aka no bleeding!)

Let's see if this holds for a week or three!!

Tuesday, July 25, 2017

Tuesday trauma (ok, not really)

So today was another visit to Mayo. I chose to go solo on this trip. I could have had company, but really, why?  It's a long drive south, for a few minutes here and there and more waiting than anything.

I also chose to go surface roads on the way down. It was a nice change of pace. I went pretty much directly south east. Straight shot. I also finished the book on tape a co-worker loaned me. It was a Jack Reacher book 12CDs. It had a nice twist at the end. I actually was already on disk 7 from the last trip down 😀  I finished on the way home at Tifton. I really need to get a few more of those for drives. They're great distractions.

So, the doctors (nutritionist) visits. I'm right on track for surgery. They will substitute NOTHING. I'm warned against doing the emergency food because they need me to lose the weight. I'm right at 25 pounds lost over four weeks. The thought is that I will be at the desired BMI by the time I get to surgery. They're happy with the progression and she sent a note to the doc stating as such. AND I don't have to see her until I'm down there for surgery. Sweet!

Personally I'm over this. I told the nutritionist it's too much sweet for too long and I'm having a hard time choking down the 5th shake of the day. She warned me about that too as dropping that last 160 calories may do more harm than good as the 800 calories is supposed to be the tipping point of not going into starvation mode and allowing me to lose still. I seriously call bull shit on the whole thing. I'm already in starvation mode.  

Sigh. So no weight change since Sunday. Not shocking as mine at home is no clothing at there I'm IN clothing 😜 Thinking they would NOT want me to strip in the halls - bwahahaha!

And so it continues for another three weeks!

Sunday, July 23, 2017

Optifast week4

Unofficial weight loss is 24.5 lbs. let's call it 25, shall we?!
So the reason folks don't notice is this:

Jammie's and clothing are the SAME week. Week 4. Clothing adds bulk. Hum. Note to self need more slimming clothing but these are comfortable!!

You'll see a stark difference in these shots too as far as clothing not showing the losses

BUT we all know the truth. If I maintain current trend I should be about 50lbs down for surgery. That's good. Much less risk for me. That's a plus. Much easier for the doc to do what he needs. A plus for him.

This week has been a BITTER and ANGRY week for me. These yahoos on line who are spouting colon cancer is a lifestyle and that's the only reason you have it are in my last nerves. I have seen hundreds on line saying they were runners, athletes with GREAT eating habits and they have cancer. But these yahoos keep spouting "change this", "change that" and you won't have reoccurrence. Just makes me mad 😡. They are NOT researchers. They are not scientists if so then the world wouldn't have cancers in healthy individuals EVER. Grrrr. Oh well I walked away from that conversation in there.

That and I haven't pooped. Yeah enough to make anyone an angry person. Are you super happy to read about poop? I have pooped once (maybe twice) in the last almost two weeks. I am drinking over 64ozs of water a day. Sometimes I may be right at the limits but honestly I add more ice to my shakes than they say to, so I get more liquid there (and it's watering down the sweetness as well). So I don't think it's a lack of liquids. And I'm peeing a LOT so I'm well hydrated. More so than I've ever been in my life! But no poop.

I went to the pharmacist and laid it in the line. Gave him the diagnosis, the tumor Location and not wanting to do anything harsh, but needing some relief. He gave me stool softeners with a laxative and some probiotics. Ok.

I had a very loose passing with blood on day three of the softener/laxative but only after I took three instead of two the night prior and I paid for it with cramping and general discomfort for the day....and blood not a lot, but blood. Remember I haven't had blood in normal life situations since the 5th of June after popcorn. So this doesn't make me a happy woman.

So weigh in is actually when I'm full of poop too - ha. I'm so over this already and I have a YEAR or a while lifetime to deal with these poop issues. Ugh. What's a girl to do? "I just wanna go poop, I just wanna be normal again!" Said in her BEST Private Benjamin voice (if you're young, rent the movie!!)

And let's do talk about this diet. I'm OVER it. Tooooooomuch friggen sweets!! I know, I know, WHO says that? Hum a woman who has had nothing but strawberry, chocolate or vanilla ANYTHING in FOUR WEEKS!! Yes, I'm gonna yell at that one. I'm tired of sweet!!!

I have been horrible in the last week. I look at shake number 5 and think "oh hell no" and go to bed instead. Really. I just can't hang any more.

Tuesday is the day I see the nutritionist. I was going to cancel and ask to do the blood work and weigh in here but decided I need to TALK to her. I'm looking at can labels lately and thinking I can eat a whole can of green beans for 60 calories. A WHOLE CAN!! I know, I know nutritional value. Bah. I'm over it!! I can't become malnourished in four weeks I'm sure!!

So. That's where I am. I think this qualifies as the "emergency" that they told me to eat the eggs. But even then I look at the Orange Juice they want me to consume with that. Uh, no!! The calories in that would give me FOUR tablespoons of pico instead. Suck it lady!! Tomatoes are fruits, right??