Saturday, July 29, 2017

After a bit of a panic...

After a bit of a panic over not loosing anything in almost a week I am pleased to say I lost another three pounds.
I typically have been posting these every two weeks but after my bowel woes and not losing any for a week I figured I would do a 5 week update anyway.

Not noticeable to most folks as fat really does mush into clothes. But I notice that there is one set of pants (I have a few of the same ones) just don't work anymore. They are too loose around the waist. The rest of my clothing fits close to the same.

I guess that's the difference between needing to lose 20lbs vs needing to lose 100.

Weight loss as of today is 28 pounds.
I think I want me to be at 40 pounds lost or more to do the surgery. I don't know that it's possible at the current rate of loss. I average 12.5 every two weeks or so and I have three weeks to go until surgery... so I keep plugging away.

I have been more and more obsessed with food or the lack there of. I was NEVER this obsessed with food in the past. I enjoyed food. I ate food when I wanted and how I wanted, but not out of the normal time frames. Portions was my issue.

I haven't broken down and eaten the "emergency" meal yet (2 eggs). I have that fear that they will look at me and say "nope, still too fat, can't do the surgery". The doubt that they would do that but I want them to know I'll do what it takes to get this done.

The other irrational side is hoping that by this show of strength they will truly avoid the ileostomy. I'm sure my fortitude will have no bearing if I get the ileostomy or not, but the thought is stuck in my brain!!

HOWEVER if I do have to have a bag I feel more prepared in that I have some reach back to support and help on line. I'll deal either way... however may still be vocal about not liking it and not liking the idea of ANOTHER major surgery later to reconnect!!

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