Sunday, December 17, 2017

I know it will grow back...

I know it will grow back, but REALLY. Ya can’t be nice and not come out in clumpy areas??

THIS I can see daily. I’m aware I’m thinning desperately in the bangs area and right at my ears. Those have been getting thinner and thinner...

But this??

This is why my kids are telling me NOT to cut my hair. It’s super patchy at the back. Yuck.

So. For now the pony tail and the buns will hide the patches until they start to sprout some new hairs.

Also explains how I can have gerbil sized hair balls come out two or three times a week and hamster size in between. Now I know where it’s coming from!!

And it’s time to wear wide headbands or something!! Nawh, kidding only tall people can see it for now.

Friday, December 15, 2017

Surgical updates

Well the gallbladder will put me off by a few more weeks than planned. Surgery now tentatively scheduled for the 6th of Feb. booooo hissss hisss booooo

Dr Landmann wants 6 weeks recovery between surgeries. Ok. Fair enough.

Pre-op will also be shuffled out a bit as it had to be close to the actual surgery date.

Not sad about the pre-op as it was the 3rd of January - weird timing but OK. So. End of January beginning of Feb we plan reversal events. Fun fun fun.

It’s sad when the pain and attacks are enough to encourage you to put off your much desired reversal date. But it is what it is and if the attacks don’t stop when you do low fat... you give up and opt for surgery. Sigh. I don’t want to be I that much pain again, thanks!!


What will I miss from Chemo??

Fast growing STRONG nails.
Anything else? NOPE!

Two weeks plus out from last chemo and
I wanted a treat. I got a small chocolate shake and fries from McDonalds. Do not question a gals cravings - EVER.

Ok the HANDS are not over cold sensitivity, but the mouth IS - whoop!! Whoop!! Small victory!!

I got home and Angela looked at my treat longingly. The good news is that the tummy only holds so much right now anyway so she ended up with the last 1/2 to 1/3. Bonus for both of us, eh?

All because I had to go take a kid to Honda to pick up her car. Which, BTW is STILL broken! Their diagnostics sucked!! Ugh. So it still cuts out and won’t start and still has fuel issues. Crap, crap, crap!!

So back to Honda it must go today. Guess I’ll go get a kid to get up and take it in now!! Car’s necessary evils :)

With her new job Liz could sell Steve and get a new car.. eventually. She found a Honda FIT that was a stick that she
Would love to have. Now to get the first paycheck to see if she can afford it.

Wednesday, December 13, 2017

Surgeon scheduling called

Pre-op today.
Surgery the 21st (or sooner if they can fit me in)
Barring problems should be fine to go to FL for Christmas (maybe)

Last night I was getting chills all night. BAD chills!! I had on a fuzzy robe, sweats, fuzzy socks AND a blanket (and a child on my feet!!). Still had chills. I finally went to bed at 9 and put a doubled queen comforter over me AND the sweats and fuzzy socks still. Burrrrr

I finally warmed up when Liz came hollering into the room at 10. I was fast asleep!!

Stayed that way most of the night in part thanks to 5mg Oxy. Lol. Knocked me right out!!

Bag empty (wasn’t super needed as I haven’t really eaten yesterday but did one anyway) at 3am. The toilet seat was COLD!! I’m so tired of middle of the night potty breaks. :(

And now that I’ve chosen to go forward with this surgery. The reversal will be delayed at LEAST a week. Crap. Sigh. Don’t WANT to put that one off but honestly can’t deal with the pain anymore from my the stupid gallbladder:(


Tuesday, December 12, 2017

Well this sucks.

I’m back to gallbladder pain. Damn it!

I was thinking I had been pain free for only a few weeks but really took was three weeks. Right before Thanksgiving.

So. I gave up, I called the surgeon and said it’s time. I’m back to pain. This SUCKS and I’m over it.

Poor pitiful me.

Friday, December 8, 2017

My life now...

Fleece jammies, covers pulled up, computer and TV on (there are fluffy socks under there too!!).

How will I survive going to work (physically that is)?

I like this warmth factor is awesome in the winter. My hands still have neuropathy - cold sensitivity is still going strong at 10 days out. I’m hopeful this will dissipate at two weeks.

What’s sad is I asked Kim about nose bleeds and will it end. She said she still has nose bleeds. Crap. Maybe some of this won’t end anytime soon.

I read on line that it may take a year for some of this. Well sh*t!! Fun stuff eh? I just need to make it to warm weather and being able to eat cold things again and I’ll be happy ;)

I like warm tea and all, but really luke warm drinks at restaurants gets old. Not that I go out to eat much either. That’s another thing that will be nice. Being able to go out without thinking “will I expose myself to illness too much?” Much less having the ENERGY to go out would be nice. Right now it’s a struggle to shower AND leave the house in the same day. Sad, I know.

That and planning shower AND bag appliance changes. Yeah. I’m just tired. I’m sure next week will look better.. .it typically did for treatments 1-4 then went downhill for 5&6. So. It may take a few more days to “bounce back” than before or maybe I’m just pussing out and giving into the whole cancer girl thing. Tired of fighting it all. Lemme just lay here and “be” for a while.

I have a mammogram on Monday to plan for and an appointment with my oncologist on the 22nd here locally. So, I can’t quite “run away” to unwind and recoup. Drat it.

We will head out to Sally’s this holiday season leaving Lizzie here at the house - she may come down for Christmas Day then head home shortly after.

I had been told by Mayo I would have testing on the 3rd of January and reversal on the 11th but have yet to get my appointment to show up in the portal. Maybe because the new year hasn’t started.

And so we wait. And wait. And wait.

Wednesday, December 6, 2017

Why I don’t shower often and update on Gallbladder

It’s getting thinner and thinner.... my scalp is cold!! Time for hats :) when I go out!

Haven’t weighed myself in a while. I’m still about the same I think.

And today is drs appointment with Harrington to see about the lovely gallbladder and what the plan will be for dealing with it.

So the scoop is. It’s up to me. The gallbladder is angry and has to go. If I’m holding steady and can maintain the low fat bland diet (low fat - LMAO) I should be able to avoid surgery until I recover from the reversal. They need 4 weeks recovery after the main surgery. So. I’m choosing to wait. I would rather reverse first of possible. So we behave and don’t overdo. Says the woman who stopped at Wilson’s for a doughnut AND a dozen finger cookies!! OINK!!

Yeah. Weight loss will NOT stick at this rate. Ha!

Well there you have it. It really ISN’T getting too thin ;) this goes back to summer weather!!

Thursday, November 30, 2017

Hair update - round 6

Things with the hair stays the same.

Nothing new. Same loss. I think I’m going to lose more over the next month or so as the drugs dissipate in my system. I can now put three wraps on my pony tail. Used to be two and done. Now two and it falls out. Ah well. It’s only hair. Right? The girls are my barometer if I need to go short. So far they are saying “nope, not yet”.

And today this was my LAST disconnect!!! I turned in the pig bag as well. No more pump!!! No more sleeping with earplugs. Yay!!

My mind would NOT shut down last night. Why? Not a clue. I’m freaked out that chemo is over. I’m freaked out that although chemo is done and one surgery is done that this isn’t the end of this saga. I know I’m not alone in this thought and fear. A lot of folks on line voice the same fears. I didn’t expect to feel this way... but there it is.

I’m freaked out. Is this over? Is this the end?? Here’s hoping!! Right now I’m curious as to what the chemo has done to the boobs. I have been on the 6 month hit list for YEARS. I wonder if there has been cancer in there the whole time. It’s hard to know.

I asked the groups of colon cancer had been linked with skin cancer. All said NOPE. Then a study came up saying that YES there is a link. Well shit! I had a partial ear removal on the right side about 10 years ago. And another spot that wasn’t what they “thought” was cancer that, surprise. It was.

So there’s that thought in my pea brain now. Yeah. Fun stuff eh? I get a feeling we’re not done with this ride. I hope I’m wrong, but thinking I’m being overly optimistic.

So now we count in years and scans. Each clear scan is a good thing. And so the second half of the journey begins.

Tuesday, November 28, 2017

Last treatment! Number SIX

So last night i had a hard time going to sleep so at 11:30 I took ONE TINY Ativan. Good lord. I didn’t want to get up this morning. Not sure if that was Ativan or the 11:45 bedtime tossing and turning. And I had taken a warm shower before bed thinking that would calm things down. NOPE. Oh well, thanks Ativan!! Lol

What the form looks like you fill out EVERY time you go in!! Like I remember my name most days!! LAST time to fill this out (hopefully forever!!)

Shannon my favorite nurse. We’re at 6. The final one!!!

My hands are so shakes and my neuropathy is kicked in a bit early so I propped the camera to get a non blurry photo. Otherwise it looks like this:

Yeah, just wow. I went to the grocery store on my lunch break to grab easy NON refrigerated foods for me.

I was giggling at one point because I was looking like someone with CP all crunched hands and such. Then Parkinson’s with jitters and cant hold it together. Yeah. HOT MESS, that’s me. BUT grocery shopping is done.

Elizabeth was getting off work about then and rescued me for ice cream!!

Saturday, November 25, 2017

Microwave replacement

Well that was fun. Not.

Butch removed the OLD defunct microwave.

Then we measured. He KNEW it was higher (lower) then the prior one by a little... but I guess he didn’t get the implication of tile backsplash. Uhm yeah.

I volunteered to pull out the single row of tile that needed to go.

I parked my butt on the stool and went to work with a chisel and scraped and pulled out the single row dusted myself off and went to rest. Yeah. My arms are not strong enough anymore. It’s sad.

New microwave behind the range that had to be pulled out to give Butch more room to maneuver.

Angela helped with the install process. It was a SNUG fit but they gave it a bump and in it went!

Screwed it in place.

Angela plugging it in.

And all put back together. Stove in place and ready to go! Water heater. Angela used it first with heating Mac-n-cheese. Yum for her. I may do the same with Turkey in a bit :)

Thanksgiving and tiny update (gallbladder)

What a great spread! Butch outdid himself. He and the girls (mostly him) put together two turkey breasts cooked in the oil less fryer outside. Mashed potatoes with gravy, green been casserole. Mom brought corn casserole and peach pie. A nice spread to have leftovers for days!!

Oh my. Looks like I’m flipping her off. I’m not! I was giving a thumbs up as she was struggling to take the picture - ha!!

So they tell me the affects of chemo are cumulative. I thought SLOW culmination of feelings. Uh yeah. No.

Prior to NYC I was still a bit tired before the flights. Bounced back pretty good however took full advantage of wheelchairs. So that’s a full week and a few days AFTER treatment. Yikes. Prior it was ONE horrible day and one meh day. Treatment four (just prior to NYC) was TWO horrible days and a few meh days. AFTER NYC (and treatment Five AND multiple gall bladder attack’s) I slept through infusion (a first) and felt meh all week until the crash and it lasted two plus days and not one but TWO gall bladder attacks in a week (one with a trip to the ER for a CT showing surgery IS in the agenda) and I was so over life and questioning what the hell I was thinking signing up for this!!

So. Being so unlike me I drew in. I shut off and I slept. I took days off work I can barely afford. And guess what? The world didn’t collapse, but the family was dumbfounded. The planner, the arranger was DOWN and down hard. Good thing they rallied well. A bit ruffled but they rebounded. Plans changed because a gall bladder attack in FL wouldn’t be good as who I chose - or at least know a bit.

So the good news and things I’m SUPER grateful for are:

My gallbladder has calmed a bit with a super bland (or non-existent) diet

My weight went down (fully clothed) 64 lbs down. (Cancer center won’t be happy)

I’m on the rebound on energy FINALLY. I went to brunch with Angela yesterday. It wiped me out but was so worth it!

My kids are healthy and happy and gainful employed where needed.

My parents are happy and healthy and mobile!

Perusing Black Friday adds I realize we NEED nothing. (Well except a microwave - see NEXT post!)

Monday, November 20, 2017

Hair report

It’s coming out in chunks now :(. Oh well. It’s only hair. It WILL grow back and we’re looking forward to the adventure as to color and texture it will return. :)

It’s still LONG and still looks deceptively thicker than it is.

Honestly I put off showering because this is when the MOST hair falls out. Reality it that it’s already letting loose in there anyway so I should just suck it up and shower more often - ha! Today’s shower was procrastinated on because of bag issues. If you use neosporine near a bag it will really peel up!! Lesson learned. No neosporine near a bag!

I did my first nekkid shower. Yeah. I don’t like the mucous after affect. Then again I wasn’t first thing in the morning. So. That’s been done. I put my bag in at 90 degree angle to avoid my owie parts. So far we’re sticking!! Whoop!!

Saturday, November 18, 2017


I never posted this from about three weeks ago. I received an award from work.

Awh. How nice, eh?

Thursday, November 16, 2017

Gas tank adventures

So today was disconnect day. The pig went back to the Center. I decided I was Finally hungry. I know I know. How is this a decision? LOL. Blame the drugs.

Liz was upstairs asleep so I called her to ask her to Waffle House for brunch for me and breakfast for her..... which she happily accepted.

I get done with my disconnect processes as head out. Text Liz ad tell her I’m on my way. I get there no Liz. Ok she had to shower first. I get a hot tea while I wait.

Then the call comes. She’s run out of gas. Hahahaha karma for saving my cat in empty after coming home from Virginia. Ha!!

I explain to the server what’s going on but I’m going back. Save my booth or not, your choice. They waved me off on the tea. And I went to save Liz.

I pulled up to get her so she could get the gas can to fill her car. She was in luck. There was gas in the garage and off we headed. When taking off her gas cap she dropped it. BUT it didn’t go under the car. It went into her tire assembly - yikes!! I had her pull forward and HALF of it popped out. Hahahaha. It was the outer part so she crawled under again and found the inner part and popped it all back together. All was well with the world.

We continued on to Waffle House and enjoyed our breakfast/brunch and she was admonished a few times to check her gas gauge - hahahaha. Love it!

Wednesday, November 15, 2017

Chemo Number Five!!

I literally woke up to take this picture. Ha!
I had a rough night with a gallbladder attack at midnight. Why don’t these happen in the day? Sigh. So up and down and taking aspirin at midnight and 6am. Just miserable and in and out of sleep. Sigh.

So I chose the sunny side of infusion center. They offered to shut the blinds. NO way! I wanted to curl up like a cat and sleep. And sleep I did! I slept through the first 30 minute infusion and then went RIGHT back to sleep!! I think I slept the whole time. I only got up to pee just before I was done with the infusion - yet 2 HOURS of sun soaked sleep!!

It was glorious and the first time I really relaxed during the whole thing. I can not state how much I slept this day either. I slept pretty much all day!! Yay me. Caught up up on all the sleep I needed!!

Symptoms are a bit more this go round. More cold sensitivity in my feet and hands without much cold to set them off. Ah well, that’s life. Throat has icy feeling but I’m only doing hot drinks so far so that makes it better.

I was to have an ultrasound on my gallbladder this morning but I screwed that ip by eating one tiny danish part. Sigh. I could have waited until 2pm but without water and food. Nope. Not happening. I rescheduled for Friday at 7:45. I will seriously have to hang signs around to say “do not eat or drink”

NYC day Five

Last day :(. We had plans of taking a final taxi to 72nd and the park walking In and seeing the bridge and the lake BUT we woke up to rain. Bummer. Not a walking day.

View from our hotel room.

Down onto the street. It had been marked with no parking for a film shoot but no clue what was filming. We didn’t see anything while we were out. Janet and I ventured out and about to shop for souvenirs.

But first a story about our room...

Night one someone who will not be named took a shower and said to us how nice it was to have an emergency pull in the bathroom. We all just went along with it. Linda went in and laughed when she saw the emergency cord / aka clothes line in the bath. We all chuckled over that a bit :)

Something you don’t see in newer hotels. This hotel was built in 1931.

I wonder who will know what the razor slot is for. The bottle opener above was also unique.

On our walk one final shot of Times Square. Wonder why I took it BEHIND the TKTS booth? To show you just how close the hotel is to Times Square!

Straight ahead. You can see the 2017 ball even.

And just past the white sign is a sign for Hotel Edison. Yep THAT close.

And with that we all shuttles to the airport but even though we all on Delta we were in different terminals :(. Bummer.

In the back of the bus!
And with that ....

We are off towards Home.
It was a GREAT fun trip!!!
I think these northern states need to be reserved for summer months! No more north in the winter. Burrrrr!!

NYC Day four

After we got off the bus we discovered the uptown bus was done. Sigh. So we had our first taxi ride to get a buggy ride. It wasn’t bad really. Easy to hail as well. We loaded up and headed up. It want too far and only $4.50.

The skating rink as seen from the carriage ride.

All loaded up in the rig before we got out. It was a fun ride big we need to go back in warmer weather and daylight. It gets dark so early here - 4:30. Weird!!

My new boyfriend Billy. Sweet horse.

We learned something about where they are boarded. They are boarded in Hells Kitchen. In a four story building with ramps. They store the carriages on floor one and horses on two and three and grain on floor four. Really. And with stalls big enough for the horses to roll. Big stalls! They rotate two of this drivers horses every other day. They have four horses total and they even rotate those with only two in the city at a time. So they have good lives those horses

We hailed another cab back and it was 5.30. Not sure I looked at the one can after he flicked a switch that bumped it up a bit more. The first guy didn’t stop me, so who knows. When we were walking back to the hotel we were approached for the night bus. We decided to grab a hot drink and jump on the bus! Mom opted out her hip wasn’t doing so hot by then and she wanted to get warm. I don’t blame her!!

We on the other hand are hitting for
Punishment so hopped on the bus and enjoyed the hot drinks while they lasted and enjoyed the NIGHT bus!!

Freedom towers seen from the Manhattan bride.

Freedom tower with an edge of the oculus

Wide boulevards! And the Empire State Building (I think) in the distance.

Yep that was it!!

Glowing eyes. Scary!!

When I gig back I decided to check the temps as they were warming up a bit. But not THIS much. Hahhaha.

Well we are in Hell’s Kitchen.
Too funny. I never did get a good temp for that night.