Saturday, December 30, 2017

Hair update and Audrey update

Hair update today.

Looks can be deceiving. Until you get closer.

Yep that’s scalp you see there. It’s SUPER thin there.

Again. Super thin. Bangs are barely there anymore.

Back of the head. Not sure if that’s a scan from hair falling out or not but it does come out in clumps at times. So who knows. Plus - I don’t feel anything back there except I know my brush is hitting scalp when I brush.

The hair that came out from my shower. Yeah. Showering makes it come out faster. I brush before and after shower so 1/2 is prior to shower, 1/2 after. Sigh.

This isn’t posted for sympathy, just documenting what’s going on. This is one month to the day from the last disconnect from chemo pump. You would think this would slow down by now, but nope. Sigh. This too shall pass. We will wait for it to grow back and see what color/texture I get. I’m voting GRAY and curls.

Still doesn’t look too shabby. Still debating going short as the braid and pony tail get thinner and thinner.

Update on bleeding stoma or bleeding skin around stoma. There is no blood at all upon flange change. No blood. One raw spot on the right side... brushing around both sides. Nothing horrible. It’s looking good. Well good, since it’s been abused a bit during surgery. So all is well in Audrey’s world. Or at least her neighborhood.

Thursday, December 28, 2017

Christmas in Fl

Yep after surgery on Thursday prior to Christmas I went to FL for the holidays :)
Now don’t get me wrong, I did NOT drive here or there. I just relaxed and let others take care of details

We did get all the way down when it dawned on men that I left ALL the stocking stuffers here in Warmer Robins. Der!!

Oh well, second Christmas was bad here Wednesday night when we came home :)

We left on Christmas Eve day.
We went out to eat dinner at Okinawa. It was delish! The last time we went there I was on Optifast. It was nice to eat some of the food stuff! I still don’t have the capacity to eat a lot but I enjoyed it all!! Yum!!

We then went to the Destin Commons to watch The Shape of Water as it’s not playing anywhere near us and it’s an independent film. It was too much sex and nudity in the beginning but the story was good and we all enjoyed it!

Christmas Day was great fun opening presents and enjoying the day!

Santa not being too sneaky :)

My pooper I really wanted ;)

Liz and her Xbox.

Angela in snuggly blanket.

The aftermath!!

XBox One. She really wanted the Nintendo switch but doesn’t know to not play games and pick a more expensive item then dropping the lower price one as an option. Silly girl. She got the more expensive option. :)

Too funny! Embroidered on a TP roll. ;)

Fun hat!!

Everyone back on devices and Angela snuggled in her new electronic throw!

Merry Christmas!!

Camellia from my back yard. Pretty. I have a white one in the front as well ;)

Sunday, December 24, 2017

That moment when you.....

That moment when you are unloading gifts and realize you left ALL the stocking stuffers at the house - FIVE hours away.

Sigh. Guess Christmas is extended a bit this year!

Saturday, December 23, 2017

Well that didn’t go as planned ... (new theme of my life)

Gallbladder surgery was scheduled for Thursday. First case of the day. Scheduled to last about an hour.

In good spirits!!

Ports are great for avoiding IV sticks!!

I go in I actually got to see the surgery room before they gave a shot and whammo I am OUT. Zzzzzzzz

I wake up in pain and being told they had complications and I’ll be transferred to the hospital overnight. Hum. Ok. Still drugged. It’s kind of funny that you have to be transferred by ambulance even though it’s only like 100 yards between the surgery center and the hospital. I got a ride from two nice paramedics. Transferred to my bed and everything. Ok thanks boys!

Then I find out the rest of the story. So my one hour surgery ended up being three hours. My gallbladder was gangrenous and friable (falling apart at the touch) AND adhered to my liver.

Yeah sometimes I wonder how I am alive too. Geeze. Talk about complications after complications. So. They didn’t revert to an open incision as the surgical center is not ready set up for that (small favors for faster recovery) but they did cut a little longer internally on my bellybutton incision to get the dang thing OUT.

But out it is! Good riddance. I was told there was a stone in there that was as old as I was (hum, wouldn’t shock me) I didn’t get to see any of them but she did take three pictures. I just need to get a copy of my records to see them.

So that day with no one to bother me,talk to me or encourage me to get up I slept ALL day! On and off of course. There is NO sleep for you in hospitals!

I also had the fun experience of a sleeping bladder again. Frustrating. They, however let nature take its course and every two hours after vitals check I headed to the potty to see if my body would catch on. It finally started to work at 2am then really wake up at 6am. Thank goodness!!

But I created a monster in that last night while at home my body thought “we gotta pee every two hours” through the night. Sigh. Small price to pay and good practice getting in and out of bed. It’s easier the more I move I find.

I did wake up enough to have “dinner” on Thursday at the hospital - the mystery meat was OK and the mashed potatoes were REALLY good. The spice cake to me was super dry but the girls came to visit me and said it was OK and not dry so it was still that drying med they give you for surgery that was messing with me.

5am wake up call it was clear. I liked over at 7 and saw this! Wow that was quick. AND at one point a flock of geese flew right over the hospital and went honking their way into the fog. Really pretty cool. I wasn’t quick on the draw for a camera then either!

So overnight I was given three bags of IV antibiotics. And three bags of fluids on a slow drip. So. It wasn’t good in my poor belly at all.

I had a drain that wasn’t putting out much and they pulled it the next day (Friday) so I didn’t have to go home with it - yay!!.

That wasn’t fun. They have a “new” type that isn’t supposed to allow for clots. Let me tell you that extra 1/8th inch bigger and flattened surface catches on your opening and poops through and HURTS like a booger!!! Yeah I yipped when she pulled that part out. Holy mother!!! But we giggled about it after. It was only about 12” inside me and 3 or four inches was that end piece. Should have taken a picture but was too shocked from that newfangled piece that even Mayo didn’t use!

Then it was a matter of hurry up and wait for them to get paperwork together. I made it out of the hospital at 10:45. Even after the doc told me at 7:30am they were going to get me discharged. Ok let’s GO already!!

So day one at home I continued the soft diet. Mom and dad along with David and Laura came to visit too. I hadn’t seen Laura since she was diagnosed. She not using the wheel chair but a walker with wheels and a seat. So she’s mobile for the most part. She is still concerned for a break and her docs are sure it’s just a matter of time until she breaks the leg/hip. Ouch is all I have to say.

They came over again today as we have a good bathroom for showers for them as ours has a bench and the wand to get clean. And they both fit in there so Dave can really help her out. That’s a plus! We had a nice visit while they were here but apparently it wore me out cause I passed out in the recliner for a few hours after they left ;) zzzzz sleepy head!!

Today (Saturday) has been good minimal pain. Mostly from the bellybutton cut but I took some Tylenol and knocked it right down. Should be good to head to Fl tomorrow. It will be weird to be out and go so far from home. I haven’t been away from the house since I last went to Mayo. There’s a scary thought.

So there you have it. I make things complicated even for simple surgeries BIT it’s good that it’s done and out and no more worries or attacks!!

Tuesday, December 19, 2017

Coming out of my fog!!

Well, yesterday I got motivated to pay bills...

This has taken me almost a month to get off my tush to do. It was getting a little scary on two bills – they were super late, but honestly, that’s life. I had to call and tell them.. yeah, I’m sorry, I’m just coming off Chemo and I really screwed up! Sorry!!

Just time to go into surgery - ha! But before that a little fun!!

Today I have a girls lunch with Barbara, Peggy and Sherry. It was fun, it's our Christmas one, so presents are in order! I have my three identical gift bags set out for them with different personalized stuff for them along with my bag of key chains for folks at work.

I gave a mix of things from a cute store here in Warner Robins. So I shopped local and got cute gifts. I got each girl a cute makeup bag with sayings that were just cute and positive for women. Each got a cute flat dish with fun sayings for jewelry or whatever. And a “just elfing around” socks. A cup cosey stating girls rule the world. AND a I ❤️ NYC magnet as well as a Christmas ornament from there.

I really should have taken pictures of their goodies.

My gift bags were all pretty much the same.

This is from Peggy. CUTE cross body adjustable day purse, cute note pad that has “there is still so much to see” and a luggage tag. Do they know me? :)

From Sherry there was a necklace in the glass. It has three snap in beads to interchange with the necklace you see below. Beach you stuff - glass says “beach time” and the notebook is cute beach theme and some YUMMY smelling tea! I’m excited to try that tea!!

The necklace is super cute!! Love the length.

From Barbara. A very cute and classy Moose I think he may need to become an ornament on my tree as it’s naked still. And the super cute bouncy moose as well. More rustic and adorable.

This afternoon I planned to go in and drop off keychains and update my computer with no one in the office. They won’t be out until 5pm. Drat. Maybe tomorrow?

Another tradition I started when I went somewhere and brought back key chains - I think it's a fun tradition. I have ten - enough to give to everyone in my room and a few to spare to those who really like getting goodies when someone goes on a trip - Pam comes to mind first. I'm sure there are a few more on that list that would appreciate a key chain from NYC. I have ten chains to give out
1. K
2. D
3. M
4. L
5. D
6. B
7. P
8. T (pseudo boss)
9. ?
10. ?
Nope, not enough for three girls… but two spares… hum…maybe one for the contract boss? Who knows!
One for me for sure!!

Yeah, it’s sad that it’s taken almost a month for me to get those to work – but really… this last chemo and the NYC trip really kicked my butt. I’m pretty sure it wasn’t the NYC trip really, just the chemo and cumulative effects of what it does to you overall. I was just beat down, then add a few gallbladder attacks in there and I was done, done, done!

It’s been rough pulling back from this one… I didn’t bounce, I had to crawl back from this one… it’s been three weeks today from my last chemo infusion (well, the big infusion, but pump a few more days), I wasn’t recouping well between the last two anyway so now I get to see when I would have REALLY come out of the fog on those too… looks like two and a half to three weeks and I would have been recouping a bit… EVER so grateful I didn’t do the full 6 months as was prescribed in the past… not sure I would have done OK with that…I would have done it, but I’m sure I would have been a zombie at the end.

I’m starting to get over the cold issues with my mouth – which is GRAND – I had a shake with French fries the other day… not sure I blogged that or not, but it was tasty. The last time I tried ice cream a week ago it burned my tongue and wasn’t very tasty as my taste buds were still off as well… and it was vanilla – who can TASTE vanilla?? LOL I still need things with some flavor in them or it just isn’t worth it… got some goldfish crackers the other day… they were so bland they didn’t have a taste to me at all… so not worth it.

I’m getting horrible about eating now of all times… nothing sounds good… what I want I can’t have… so I just don’t eat. NOT the best idea there is.. my fitness app is getting mad at me as I log calories daily and I’m logging 800 and 900 and it’s yipping saying “you’re not eating enough… .it’s not healthy” blah, blah, blah. Don’t care, don’t wanna eat and when I do I don’t want to eat what I should… I know, I know – BAD Donna.

In a week I’ll be on mush anyway. At least for a week I’ll be on soft foods and bland diet again. Oh, well, that’s life. Sad when someone who LOVES food is just like “meh, can’t have it anyway, so why care? I need to switch to some different fruits too – bananas are all I have had in a while – with the exception of applesauce. I don’t know that there are any in season that would be good. Oh, I had raspberries there for a while – they were tasty. I need to go INTO a grocery store – another thing that I haven’t done in a while… just too tired.

Yeah, I’m felling better I f I’m thinking *I* want to go into a grocery store!! LOL. I’ll wait until after this surgery then I’ll go… or maybe today on the way home as I want to try the HINT water that is flavored but not carbonated. I have had issues with strong flavors and carbonation – mostly because it makes Audrey gassy on the carbonation part – nothing else. The strong flavors… well, that just messes with one’s taste buds!

Somethings that are easing are:
Bloody boogers. They are almost non-existent now. Thank goodness. I was so tired of bloody snot!! (TMI I know)
Overall chills feeling of being cold may be able to switch out of winter jammies
Tiredness. Yeah naps are good. No they’re GREAT!! Getting better slowly.

Things that are NOT easing
Cold sensitivity in hands
Neuropathy if the feet - just feeling off
Diarrhea - yeah
Hair loss. Good lord. I think I’m losing more lately.

That’s a LOT of hair!!!
I now no longer want to know WHERE it’s coming from. Ha! I know. I’m a chicken!!

Sunday, December 17, 2017

I know it will grow back...

I know it will grow back, but REALLY. Ya can’t be nice and not come out in clumpy areas??

THIS I can see daily. I’m aware I’m thinning desperately in the bangs area and right at my ears. Those have been getting thinner and thinner...

But this??

This is why my kids are telling me NOT to cut my hair. It’s super patchy at the back. Yuck.

So. For now the pony tail and the buns will hide the patches until they start to sprout some new hairs.

Also explains how I can have gerbil sized hair balls come out two or three times a week and hamster size in between. Now I know where it’s coming from!!

And it’s time to wear wide headbands or something!! Nawh, kidding only tall people can see it for now.

Friday, December 15, 2017

Surgical updates

Well the gallbladder will put me off by a few more weeks than planned. Surgery now tentatively scheduled for the 6th of Feb. booooo hissss hisss booooo

Dr Landmann wants 6 weeks recovery between surgeries. Ok. Fair enough.

Pre-op will also be shuffled out a bit as it had to be close to the actual surgery date.

Not sad about the pre-op as it was the 3rd of January - weird timing but OK. So. End of January beginning of Feb we plan reversal events. Fun fun fun.

It’s sad when the pain and attacks are enough to encourage you to put off your much desired reversal date. But it is what it is and if the attacks don’t stop when you do low fat... you give up and opt for surgery. Sigh. I don’t want to be I that much pain again, thanks!!


What will I miss from Chemo??

Fast growing STRONG nails.
Anything else? NOPE!

Two weeks plus out from last chemo and
I wanted a treat. I got a small chocolate shake and fries from McDonalds. Do not question a gals cravings - EVER.

Ok the HANDS are not over cold sensitivity, but the mouth IS - whoop!! Whoop!! Small victory!!

I got home and Angela looked at my treat longingly. The good news is that the tummy only holds so much right now anyway so she ended up with the last 1/2 to 1/3. Bonus for both of us, eh?

All because I had to go take a kid to Honda to pick up her car. Which, BTW is STILL broken! Their diagnostics sucked!! Ugh. So it still cuts out and won’t start and still has fuel issues. Crap, crap, crap!!

So back to Honda it must go today. Guess I’ll go get a kid to get up and take it in now!! Car’s necessary evils :)

With her new job Liz could sell Steve and get a new car.. eventually. She found a Honda FIT that was a stick that she
Would love to have. Now to get the first paycheck to see if she can afford it.

Wednesday, December 13, 2017

Surgeon scheduling called

Pre-op today.
Surgery the 21st (or sooner if they can fit me in)
Barring problems should be fine to go to FL for Christmas (maybe)

Last night I was getting chills all night. BAD chills!! I had on a fuzzy robe, sweats, fuzzy socks AND a blanket (and a child on my feet!!). Still had chills. I finally went to bed at 9 and put a doubled queen comforter over me AND the sweats and fuzzy socks still. Burrrrr

I finally warmed up when Liz came hollering into the room at 10. I was fast asleep!!

Stayed that way most of the night in part thanks to 5mg Oxy. Lol. Knocked me right out!!

Bag empty (wasn’t super needed as I haven’t really eaten yesterday but did one anyway) at 3am. The toilet seat was COLD!! I’m so tired of middle of the night potty breaks. :(

And now that I’ve chosen to go forward with this surgery. The reversal will be delayed at LEAST a week. Crap. Sigh. Don’t WANT to put that one off but honestly can’t deal with the pain anymore from my the stupid gallbladder:(


Tuesday, December 12, 2017

Well this sucks.

I’m back to gallbladder pain. Damn it!

I was thinking I had been pain free for only a few weeks but really took was three weeks. Right before Thanksgiving.

So. I gave up, I called the surgeon and said it’s time. I’m back to pain. This SUCKS and I’m over it.

Poor pitiful me.

Friday, December 8, 2017

My life now...

Fleece jammies, covers pulled up, computer and TV on (there are fluffy socks under there too!!).

How will I survive going to work (physically that is)?

I like this warmth factor is awesome in the winter. My hands still have neuropathy - cold sensitivity is still going strong at 10 days out. I’m hopeful this will dissipate at two weeks.

What’s sad is I asked Kim about nose bleeds and will it end. She said she still has nose bleeds. Crap. Maybe some of this won’t end anytime soon.

I read on line that it may take a year for some of this. Well sh*t!! Fun stuff eh? I just need to make it to warm weather and being able to eat cold things again and I’ll be happy ;)

I like warm tea and all, but really luke warm drinks at restaurants gets old. Not that I go out to eat much either. That’s another thing that will be nice. Being able to go out without thinking “will I expose myself to illness too much?” Much less having the ENERGY to go out would be nice. Right now it’s a struggle to shower AND leave the house in the same day. Sad, I know.

That and planning shower AND bag appliance changes. Yeah. I’m just tired. I’m sure next week will look better.. .it typically did for treatments 1-4 then went downhill for 5&6. So. It may take a few more days to “bounce back” than before or maybe I’m just pussing out and giving into the whole cancer girl thing. Tired of fighting it all. Lemme just lay here and “be” for a while.

I have a mammogram on Monday to plan for and an appointment with my oncologist on the 22nd here locally. So, I can’t quite “run away” to unwind and recoup. Drat it.

We will head out to Sally’s this holiday season leaving Lizzie here at the house - she may come down for Christmas Day then head home shortly after.

I had been told by Mayo I would have testing on the 3rd of January and reversal on the 11th but have yet to get my appointment to show up in the portal. Maybe because the new year hasn’t started.

And so we wait. And wait. And wait.

Wednesday, December 6, 2017

Why I don’t shower often and update on Gallbladder

It’s getting thinner and thinner.... my scalp is cold!! Time for hats :) when I go out!

Haven’t weighed myself in a while. I’m still about the same I think.

And today is drs appointment with Harrington to see about the lovely gallbladder and what the plan will be for dealing with it.

So the scoop is. It’s up to me. The gallbladder is angry and has to go. If I’m holding steady and can maintain the low fat bland diet (low fat - LMAO) I should be able to avoid surgery until I recover from the reversal. They need 4 weeks recovery after the main surgery. So. I’m choosing to wait. I would rather reverse first of possible. So we behave and don’t overdo. Says the woman who stopped at Wilson’s for a doughnut AND a dozen finger cookies!! OINK!!

Yeah. Weight loss will NOT stick at this rate. Ha!

Well there you have it. It really ISN’T getting too thin ;) this goes back to summer weather!!

Thursday, November 30, 2017

Hair update - round 6

Things with the hair stays the same.

Nothing new. Same loss. I think I’m going to lose more over the next month or so as the drugs dissipate in my system. I can now put three wraps on my pony tail. Used to be two and done. Now two and it falls out. Ah well. It’s only hair. Right? The girls are my barometer if I need to go short. So far they are saying “nope, not yet”.

And today this was my LAST disconnect!!! I turned in the pig bag as well. No more pump!!! No more sleeping with earplugs. Yay!!

My mind would NOT shut down last night. Why? Not a clue. I’m freaked out that chemo is over. I’m freaked out that although chemo is done and one surgery is done that this isn’t the end of this saga. I know I’m not alone in this thought and fear. A lot of folks on line voice the same fears. I didn’t expect to feel this way... but there it is.

I’m freaked out. Is this over? Is this the end?? Here’s hoping!! Right now I’m curious as to what the chemo has done to the boobs. I have been on the 6 month hit list for YEARS. I wonder if there has been cancer in there the whole time. It’s hard to know.

I asked the groups of colon cancer had been linked with skin cancer. All said NOPE. Then a study came up saying that YES there is a link. Well shit! I had a partial ear removal on the right side about 10 years ago. And another spot that wasn’t what they “thought” was cancer that, surprise. It was.

So there’s that thought in my pea brain now. Yeah. Fun stuff eh? I get a feeling we’re not done with this ride. I hope I’m wrong, but thinking I’m being overly optimistic.

So now we count in years and scans. Each clear scan is a good thing. And so the second half of the journey begins.

Tuesday, November 28, 2017

Last treatment! Number SIX

So last night i had a hard time going to sleep so at 11:30 I took ONE TINY Ativan. Good lord. I didn’t want to get up this morning. Not sure if that was Ativan or the 11:45 bedtime tossing and turning. And I had taken a warm shower before bed thinking that would calm things down. NOPE. Oh well, thanks Ativan!! Lol

What the form looks like you fill out EVERY time you go in!! Like I remember my name most days!! LAST time to fill this out (hopefully forever!!)

Shannon my favorite nurse. We’re at 6. The final one!!!

My hands are so shakes and my neuropathy is kicked in a bit early so I propped the camera to get a non blurry photo. Otherwise it looks like this:

Yeah, just wow. I went to the grocery store on my lunch break to grab easy NON refrigerated foods for me.

I was giggling at one point because I was looking like someone with CP all crunched hands and such. Then Parkinson’s with jitters and cant hold it together. Yeah. HOT MESS, that’s me. BUT grocery shopping is done.

Elizabeth was getting off work about then and rescued me for ice cream!!