Flower updates

My poor avocado. Not doing so hot but it’s still alive...and the next one that is just now sprouting so I put him outside to make sure it’s acklimated to the hot weather so it won’t die like this one did!  Maybe it will work and the “dead” twig isn’t really totally dead, so I keep hoping he will come back...but maybe not...

 The lemon is doing well. Lots of new leaves and blooms came and went...I have hope for a lemon this year. I had two last year!

 Sneaky late blooming amaryllis hiding in there!

 Wisteria is coming back well after overzealous trimming last year and cutting the wrong lower limb. Whoops!

 Note the pop of red in the corner ..those are my dollar tree gladiolus!

 The daylilies are blooming nicely now as well.  

 Volunteer snapdragons

 There are some of my Dahlias are sprouting, but not enough to zoom in on them. They are only 3” tall.

Close up of my pansies and purple lilies. They’re doing so well with all the rain we’ve gotten and I swapped away from the natural grass liners as the birds kept stealing it all for nests.

Life in the poop lane (skip if you're grossed out by poop talk)

I had a horrible diarrhea experience yesterday. glossed over with the "used my spare pants today" comment on Facebook..
I had a purging day yesterday, which usually just entails multiple trips to the potty doing a lovely "cluster" of pooping (aka the clustering that is referenced a bit in literature). . but yesterday was a bit different. I had a few clusters (5+ (should count one day)) that eventually turned to diarrhea. OK, that's different, but "do-able" I only had one slight accident (I always wear protection), so I just changed the pad and went on with life. and some butt cream, the HORRIBLE side to clustering in a raw bum.
Anyway, I'm used to this (sadly). so I just trundle on and make quite a few hurried trips to the bathroom in the afternoon - again, not that horrible, not too out of the ordinary. The diarrhea makes me think "OK, I'm done now.there's NOTHING left in there!". I went to the potty a little bit before leaving work "just in case" . nope, nada.
I get my stuff packed up to head on out to get my hair cut.
I get out of the building, get my phone (lock box at floor level - yeah not sure anyone told them I was TALL when they assigned me that particular box!).
I get all the way out the door and 1/3 of the way to my car when the urge hits.. As I was un-forwarding my phone, I paused and stepped off the sidewalk. knew I didn't have full control as it was still way too loose to control.
OK, it's just a little bit. I debate going back into the building and all the way back to the bathroom with all my crap (large purse and a carry bag. The nearest building with a bathroom that is unlocked is WAY farther away than my actual building. Nawh, I'm feeling confident that that was just a little "residue" of prior issues, so I start to walk to the car. 2/3 of the way to the car and WAY too far away from ANY building to make a hoot of difference and my body decides NO it is not done with this issue and I can just TELL this is way worse with ZERO control. I walk the last 10 yards to my car and just pray that my pads are truly as absorbent as they say they are and opt to drive off base to a fast food restaurant. Sigh. nothing right off base, the nearest is about ½ mile away, BUT it's not convenient and it's NOT on the right side of the road and it's parking is weird. so I drive on down a little further because, you know - hey, the deed is done and I go to Arbys. I didn't FEEL like I was leaking everywhere. and I really wasn't - thank goodness.
I ended up with just a small spot on my pants, but enough to make me clean up and change into my emergency pants (gray sweat carpi's) and go on with life.

pickin and a grinnin

Just a pickin and a grinnin. That’s me. I decided it was a good day to pick Friday and hit a jackpot! The vacuum was a return trip... I debated it because the last one I picked up and cleaned was a dud. Then after I got half way to work I thought I SHOULD have gotten it for the back porch as the hubby had decided ANY vacuum is fair game for use outdoors. Uh, NO my Dyson is NOT an outdoor vacuum. He would beg to differ and used it as such. Sigh. So. I didn’t remember it was a holiday this week and when I ran out to get dinner I swung back by to see if it was still there. It was. Chucked it into the back of the car.



The one shelf is missing hardware however it will still go to thrift as a bargain.



The tote is one I have always wanted but it will probably go to thrift as well.



And this lovely watering can


The watering can was missing it’s mouth piece so I chopped it back and smoothed out the edges with a bit of flame.

Research studies

I was a part of a research study at Mayo for just this effort:

https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/technology/holy-grail-of-cancer-research-doctors-positive-about-early-detection-blood-test/ar-AAy5aFj?OCID=ansmsnnews11

Here's hoping that the blood and tissue samples I donated will help them develop a better blood test for colorectal cancers!

Potty talk...

Today’s potty issues tested my sanity! (And my supplies!). I survived...but it’s so hard to get through to my boss just exactly what is going on without having to get downright gross...sigh. I finally got honest with just WHY I needs him to take over for me on visitors duties...meaning I was the escort...cause I kept having to dash out to the potty...sigh. He relieved me for five minutes..then dropped the visitor back in with me...yeah, not helpful in the long run as taking him to the front door lead to one MORE dash to the potty ...one more accident earlier than the last (end of my work day as well) and I would have been going home as I was on the LAST of my supplies. Sigh. Time to restock..

What I wasn’t comfortable telling said boss is my cubicle is super tiny having someone physically IN my cube when I’m having bowel issues is mortifying. I hope I don’t stink, but I’m having accidents as I’m dashing to the potty. Frequency is one issue, but there is also the issue of incontinence at tones as well, so squeezing past someone jammed in my cubicle with me is NOT comfortable for me.

Part of that is this individual and him not getting a clue that having him literally in my back pocket is NOT working for me. I’m wondering if there is an issue with spectrum or what...but it’s weird and not what I’m used to dealing with. Add to this, he’s really seeming to be panicking about every detail of his working fir the government will be. He just freaks about the details and isn’t happy with the fact that he will be waiting for a computer and access for a while. Im not sure I’m going to be able to hang with his quirks in my very, very limited personal space. See post here: https://donnasworddoodles.blogspot.com/2018/04/so-one-of-things-that-i-discovered-when.html
About how freaking tiny my cube is, then picture TWO chairs crammed in there and wondering if you smell of poop....yeah, fun times.

Flowers flowers everywhere

Ok not so much flowers as potential flowers?


The lemon is sprouting new leaves and is starting to bud again.


Not sure what this one is, but it’s little blue flowers come out every year without fail.


The iris below are getting ready to bloom and the petunias are looking a little battered from the rain we’ve been getting. - 1.25 inches over the last few days.


Love these Daisies and the iris on this side are blooming away!


New plant this year. Doing really well!


This one had a tougher start but looking good now, although a little pink rather than red (?) they were both red to start with. Wonder if the color is health related or soil? This side was a LOT harder!!


Day lilies getting ready and sending up flower stalks!!


My transplants. Maybe they will like this pot better? To their defense they were in the hanging baskets and as they were made out of coconut fibers the birds had pretty much destroyed the hangers making nests this year!

That’s my morning on the porch today. With a little weeding tossed in as I walked around checking on the plants.

Farewells...a little late...

so, yeah...I got my new job the 2nd week of March...and physically went to the new position the 1st of April...and my farewell was the 27th of April...yeah. A little delayed, but I was game for it...sort of. I’m not really hip on being the center of attention, but was willing to go after a friend informed me it wasn’t really about me, but about those I used to work with. Ok, I’ll buy that and really I DO miss the people.  I worked with the same group for the last 17 years. Since a January of 2002 I have been with what was to become IT on this base. Yeah, I know, it’s a shock to my system too to no longer be a part of that organization.

Anyway, here are some of the pictures from my farewell lunch.

Dave Poffenbarger picked out the cake. It was delicious. 

 All in all a great turn out

Dianne Smith and Cynthia Clarke

Janet Dowd in blue Debbie Deckert in Black, Vanessa Lurry and Willie Rice

Angela’s move to college

Well it’s that time. Time to settle Angela into her first apartment in Kennesaw. I encouraged her to get a furnished apartment...year, that didn’t happen :(

So the car is loaded with a new boxed mattress, her cube storage unit (tallest thing in the truck) and a bed frame. Along with that was all her stuff from her dorm from last year.

And with that she’s loaded in and sort of settling into summer there, although she’s home again after staying north just long enough to go to three job interviews.  Maybe she’ll get a job this summer if she’s lucky!

Neuropathy, gardening and henna

I had gone to Lowes last weekend looking for plants and NOTHING screamed “buy me” so I left empty handed. This week I went to Home Depot and found quite a few plants to put in the ground!!


First the petunias! I had picked up the liners Ina whim AGES ago and just now put them to use! They aren’t the woven ones, they are like a burlap. Hopefully this will keep the birds from stealing them for nests!!


The other side isn’t as “full” drat it! But I’m sure they will perk up!


What is this spindly little twig? It’s my avocado tree. We shall see how he fares outside. I must have missed a few waterings as his main trunk died off BIT I plan on keeping him short and in a lot so maybe it won’t matter? Let’s hope not. I have another starting in the house as well so we shall see how far each of them make it!!


Then the side yard. This place never seems to do well so we shall see if these plants do OK here and survive. Please ignore the weeds. Last year was horrible and NO weeding had been done since VERy early summer of 2017 so I have a LOT to catch up on. I’m just not quite up to TONS of bending and pulling just yet so I work it a little at a time and poisoned this area once - this the dead things everywhere.


This should be PRETTY if it bushes out and grows!


This was a weird one. But what the heck. Why not, right?


And a cherry tomato


And a Big Boy. No literally that is the type this is :)

Then the neuropathy Home front. We are trying the henna. So far I think there is a minor difference in how much I’m feeling.

Not a huge difference but a little. We will try this as long as the henna lasts then move to acupuncture. Yep. We’re experimenting a bit on this.

Angela does a nice job on the decorative aspect of henna. :)


Why the blobbed dark spots? That would be MY waves. They aren’t as pretty as Angela’s :)


The true part that I’m after is the bottoms and the spot between the ball of my foot and my toes.


Feels like balled up socks there all the time. Or sand jammed in there. It’s weird. And my toes FEEL. Old all the time. Even though they are physically NOT cold. As in you can touch them and they are warm. Sigh. I guess I’ll just have cold toes for a while. Let’s hope not forever.

Friday afternoon wonderings and reflections.

I have been at my new job for 5 weeks now ... I still wonder what I was thinking when I took this job.
I know what I was thinking, I really do. I was thinking it's a great opportunity to learn something new and see a different perspective on the base. And has it been? Well, yes, a very different perspective on the other side of the base, the Aircraft side.. it's a whole new world. Lots of new terminology. BUT it's super slow right now. Really? Yes, really. My workload isn't funded right now... it's not even started. So what have I been doing for FIVE LONG WEEKS you ask?

Before I had computer access - reading books.
After computer access: Reading regulations, reading instructions, reading books on line through work (typically motivational books) and listening to a LOT of conversations around the cubicles, through the walls and going to others meetings... watching their processes. None of it is foreign, yet ALL of it is foreign. New bosses, new processes, new procedures, new templates... same old thing. Same old program planning, same old workload planning, but new documents, new folks to talk to in order to get access... so for now I'm sitting back and watching and being shockingly and weirdly quiet for me. I don't talk most of the day. I may say good morning to my direct cube mate that I can look in the eye, but other than that, I converse via computer with most others. I don't go to lunch, I don't even leave my cubicle unless it's to go to the bathroom - which is quite a lot (I'll explain that in a minute) and/or to take my garbage out to the dumpster once a week on Friday afternoon.

The bathroom comment is sort of funny as some days it's for the obvious poop issues, but most of the time it's because by STAYING in the office I'm working on 1) eating better by fixing lunches at home and packing them in and 2) the cause of all the potty trips - drinking MORE water! Yep. I have switched to drinking tea in the mornings (with rare exceptions) and have been bringing in a 32 oz. thermos full of water a day. The goal is to drink ALL The water and the additional 16 ounces of tea in the morning... and most days I'm successful in that effort. Thus the reason I get up to pee a lot. I have tried to convince myself to walk all the way upstairs to the potty up there and then circle down to my office giving me a little walk during the day, but when I have poopy issues (which todays feels like it's the ONLY day I haven't had poopy problems this week) I go to the one next door.

Other than that, I'm in a hurry up and wait mode and I'm trying to emulate my good friend Barbara and wait it out... not go barreling in and volunteering to do things I'm not asked to do... and just waiting for it all to come to me. Now that's not to say that when Jessica asked me to help her with some items I didn't JUMP at the chance to help her with them and draft up 19 documents for her package. I did... I really did... then it was done in a matter of days and there I sat with nothing to do again... sigh. Oh, well, it was fun while it lasted.

On the poopy front, well, things were progressing quite nicely for so long I forgot what it was to have a bad night! It had been a month or so since I really had a middle of the night "oh, no" thought and find I needed to change the depends... but last night was one of those nights... and I was up a few more times as well with urgency after that. BUT for the most part I am adjusting fairly well to life without a rectum to speak of. What I HAVE discovered and have known since the beginning is that gas HURTS a LOT!! Yeah, the colon does NOT expand like the rectum does and when gas builds up there is nowhere for it to expand and your anus gets a little MAD about this and lets you know that it's NOT happy with the situation. AND since you cannot trust a fart anymore it's a matter of clench and wait it out then rush to the potty to make sure all is well. I have only had to change pads at work 1 time in the last few weeks, so for me that's a win too as for a while there I was changing pads out once a week.

On the poopier front is poor Angela. She had an incident of blood from her rectum on Sunday ... didn't say a darn thing at 4pm when it happened the first time, but called at 11pm and Butch and Liz talked to her while I was blissfully sleeping in the bed...zzzzz. Butch did wake me up and fill me in and I called her and talked her through the trip to the ER and sitting and waiting... and waiting and waiting and waiting. I was almost going to go up, but she discouraged me as it would take me 2 hours to get there and she was convinced she would be out of there by the time I could get up there... it was midnight before she was at an ER and checked in.... so I stayed awake most of that night texting her and checking up on her.... about 3am I fell asleep for a bit, woke up at 4am, texted her for a bit more.. fell back asleep again... then woke up back up at 5am and she was getting discharged soon... I should have gone up there as they didn't even do a CT on the child but said they didn't feel any hemorrhoids or fissures.... so they just sent her on her way. Sigh. Even with a history of her mom being diagnosed with rectal cancer. Gads - what are these ER docs thinking? Yes, she's young, but that is NO protection from cancer... let's be sure folks!! I went to work, she went home and went to sleep.

We then discovered she's 18 - I know, how could we miss this fact, right? What does that mean? I can do NOTHING for her anymore as she is an adult. So, there were lots of conference calls over the week to get a call into Tricare offices here on base, to get her an appointment or a referral to a colorectal person... and although painful in time constraints, it went fairly smooth with me being on the other side of the line walking her through the process. So, the call to the appointment line did justify a call directly to the nurse, then the nurse called her back, talked to her and passed the news to the doc, who gladly wrote the referral. We all know he would see as much as the ER folks would have - although he could have insisted on a CT first.. but didn't. Whew! Referral put in and the waiting for that is 24 hours. Now that is done and it's with the doctor of choice in Macon - he's highly recommended and the one I will be going to in August for all my follow up appointments - once we get that all ironed out... anyway THEY are switching to a new health care system and won't know anything until Monday about when they can get Ms. Angela in to be seen... so we wait. She hasn't had the amounts of blood again, but a few "spotting" times... so she's still rattled... and honestly, so am I as this is how I found out I had cancer, assuming it was "no big deal" as that is what the ER told me too... this stuff happens is the reaction they had... yeah, I don't believe that anymore.. you bleed once like that, you go in and get it checked. PERIOD.

So there you have it... life, in all its glory and frustrations! And we wait... and worry and try to put it out of our minds... but on a positive note Angela is now home from college for the week. She can move into her new place on the 8th, but will hold off until the 12th so her sister and I can help her move! Smart girl!

The side of cancer no-one sees

I've always tried to be a good worker with a good work ethic and trying to do right... I am, however, tired now. Tired of fighting, tired of stress, tired of trying to fight for what should have been done for me when this first happened, when I was first diagnosed... fighting for rights, fighting for balance. Fighting to get time that was donated used for the purpose it was donated...

The stress is spilling over to the new job and the new supervision as they have chosen to NOT stand and fight with me, but to say "no, this has to be worked out by the last division". What they don't seem to grasp is that division failed at supporting me and my needs, so what makes you think they will fight to support me now that I'm no longer there?? This, in turn, leaves it up to ME to figure out and to fight my own battles and a few years ago, sure I would fight and fight and fight for them... but now? Now, I'm just freaking tired!

Is this worth fighting - hell yes! The difference in 17.8 hours is staggering in sick leave time - it will be a two month difference in when I get out of the hole on sick leave. I will be able to get out of the hole April 2019 vs June 2019. HOW very scary is that?? Yes, I will be in the negative in leave until next summer... well past a year from now if I don't fight for this. It was given to me, I should be able to use it. So... cry a little in my cubicle this morning, pull up my big girl panties and start seeking out the solution on my own as no-one else seems to give a rats ass about me and my cares!

Weekend fun with Angela

I decided since we weren't going to Florida for the weekend, I would take the opportunity to go to Kennesaw to see Angela and spend some time with her.

I got up and took my time getting going... ate some breakfast and watched an episode of Lost in Space on Netflix then headed on out! I DID forget to get additional books on tape on the way out the door and sorely regretted that as my book ended before I even hit Atlanta - boo!

I got to Angela's after getting lost once - yeah, I really needed to turn on my GPS as I got off an exit too soon - dang it! Oh, well, I backtracked and made it to her house in a decent amount of time even with some HORRIBLE traffic slowdowns on the way up. I got there, made it to her apartment and waited while she got dressed, we then headed to Ikea! On the way to Ikea, I announced I was hungry and that we should get some PIZZA before going to shop in Ikea. For those that don't already know because I say this EVERY time we go to Atlanta and Ikea - that we LOVE Antico's Pizza in Atlanta - it's the BEST pizza and almost like you are in Italy.... yes, that authentic! We went and split a Diavola pizza (spicy pepperoni)... having just ONE piece left over! OINK! Then it was off to Ikea - and believe it or not we didn't shop around this time... we cut corners and basically just went in and looked at the bed frames and the mattresses and went out... we did spend a bit of time sitting in one of the displays talking about the cost of what is wanted vs. what should be anticipated... and we came to an agreement. A disappointed agreement, but an agreement... it's not worth it to spend $400 on a bed set for college when $250 would do the trick and get you what is needed to fit the bill AND still leave a little left over to use towards a couch that will have to be purchased in the near future as well. So, the decision was made, no Ikea bed for now. It's not cost effective.... which if you know Ikea, that is pretty shocking, isn't it? Yeah... for most things that we were looking at it wasn't cost effective. The cube storage items were the same way - no need - they are cheaper at Target. I have NEVER walked out of an Ikea without buying something... yeah, that day was a first!

And so we moved on... and went back to Kennesaw to check into the hotel. I chose the Embassy suites which is just down the street from her current and future housing. Bonus! The hotel was nice and comfy... we hung out there trying to decide what we were going to do for dinner. We decided on Cheesecake factory for appetizers and cheesecake! We drove the 20 miles south only to be greeted with TONS of prom goers. Yep, it was a madhouse!! So... we decided to go in and get cheesecake to go! We even had to wait a few minutes for that too! We finally escaped and headed back to the hotel with renting a movie on our brains as we had toyed with going to a movie while down at the mall area...

We eventually decided to try Taziki's for dinner as Angela had never had it before - she loved it! We then got to the hotel - goodies in hand only to discover that they had NO movies on demand! WHAT?? Yeah, it was sad!! But we found a show that neither one of us had seen (Dodge Ball of all things) watched that, ate what we could of our dinner... then I fell asleep - of course, I'm old and I was full :) Poor Angela on the other hand could NOT fall asleep - as in ALL NIGHT. At 5am she woke me up and we chatted for a few minutes before I crashed out again... then she woke me up at 7:30 and we went down for Breakfast. I guess next time she goes home to her room and I stay in the hotel, then maybe she will sleep?? Poor dear!!

After breakfast, I took her back to her apartment only to discover that she had left her phone somewhere... it was in the bed at the hotel - the good news is we checked out of the room at the front desk, so they knew who we were and gave us the key and we were able to retrieve it quickly! Whew! We then went to the gas station and back to her apartment for our final farewell!

It was a short visit, but a fun visit and I enjoyed spending the time talking with her and visiting while we were driving places and looking at furniture. In about a month we'll be back up there helping her get settled into the new apartment and getting her set for the summer semester. Fun times! I have no pictures either... I didn't really pick up my phone until the end of the night... and snapped a horrible picture of the two of us on the bed... but I may post it later when I get home (updating from work via email right now!)

Military Wives Reunion

We were friends in Aviano 23 years ago. Three of us me, Peggy and Wendy had babies the same year and one, Amy, had her baby girl one year to the day after Elizabeth! Talk about a great history for all of us! I have seen each of them at some point in the last 23 years and they have each seen one or more of the others but THIS is the first time in that long that we have all been in one place at the same time! It was like NO time had passed and it was wonderful!



Amy, Wendy and Peggy on Thursday before I was able to make it in!


Friday beach day! Dinner at Props Brew Pub and a night visiting.

Waiting on the boat and having a snack of fried shrimp before the cruise!


Saturday Amy had to head back for work and school, I was so glad I got to see her for the time I had! Saturday evening the rest of us headed to a dolphin cruise, dinner at Dewey’s and a stroll along the boardwalk area. Cute area.





Crazy hair and just don’t care!!



THIS is the pictures that normal people take in a hammock


This is what I end up with LMAO!


Not a cool bone in my body :D

I vote we do this more often than every 23 years!!

First World Problems

So for the last few days I have been filling out my periodic security clearance review.  The questions they are asking now are ones I sit and shake my head... like where all my siblings were born.  Well, I have NO idea as Dad was in the Navy and all over the West Coast when we were all born... so, not a clue. 

Then they asked where I had traveled overseas for the last 7 years.  Yeah, THAT was a FUN thing to relive.  I have been so many places!!

I have been to:

•  Italy and Netherlands in 2012
• Dubai in 2012
• Honduras, Belize, Mexico in 2014
• Guam in 2015
• Ireland and England in 2016

Talk about first world problem, right?  Trying to remember all the places I have been in the last 7 years... yes, just in the last 7  - what a fun ride it has been, eh?

I still want to GO, GO, GO!  LOL

For now I guess we're staying closer to home and not going out of the country.  I DO need to renew my passport as it will expire in a year.

Other than that, life is moving a snails pace right now..waiting, waiting, waiting... but this too shall pass!

This coming weekend I will be meeting with three other gals from Italy - two of them had babies the same year I had Liz and one had her daughter on Elizabeth's first birthday - fun, eh?  It will be great to have everyone in the same place at one time again!  It's been a long time!  It will be nice to see them all!

Discoveries in the new office

So, one of the things that I discovered when cleaning out my new cubicle, besides the fact that it was FILTHY, was a whole drawer of crushed water bottles.  I'm telling you this drawer was large enough to fill a medium size garbage bag full!  What sort of person moves out and leaves his empty water bottles behind for the next person to clean up for them?  YUCK!  What else did I find?  Lots of HUGE dust bunnies... and lots of YUCK on the floor.  What I have discovered in my 6' x 6' cube is that a) my power cord is in the WORST place ever, it's not under the desk where it would make sense, it's in the corner behind the desk.  What else is weird about these cubicles is that they have upper cabinets that are 4' long - two will fit across the wall behind me.  But NOT on the wall in front of me.  Nope, that wall is only 6' long.  The 8' long wall is to my back and has a 2' "wall" between me and my cube mate.  Yeah they are TINY cubicles.  Thin is more like it... I guess my other cubicles in my old office were almost this small but it was less noticeable because the overheads were over the desk, not behind you causing you to have much less "standing room".  I guess I could find out who can reconfigure these things, but honestly, it's not worth it.  I'll just live with my rickety little cube and move on.  Hey, at least I have a computer, right?  That took three days to acquire and it's a loaner... but I'm happy because I have email and IM to "chat" with folks and see what sort of data I CAN get my hands on... so far that would be a big old goose egg of information. 

The top image is the way my cubicle is NOW...an you see why it feels so very tiny?

The bottom is what I plan to do once I get my permanent cube assigned with my team.  Why?  Because I have THREE monitors, two computers, two keyboards, two mice in that cubicle.  SO... there is NO room on my current desk to work AND work on computers... but for now I'll do what is needed to work around the issues.

After day one where I was bored out of my skull I decided that there was NO use in fighting this and brought in a book.  I have read the whole thing.  It was a paperback, but still no data, I read what they brought me, I read it three times, I highlighted it, I told the gal who brought it to me that I understood most of it, but it was the acronyms that were throwing me as they are different than where I came from.  Legacy vs. Air Craft = whole NEW world in acronyms.  So, I was promised an acronym sheet... that I haven't seen yet.  I don't want to pester her as she is working her OWN project and just helping me...  

I have sent stuff to my boss asking questions.  Waiting to see what I get back....

BUT I'm learning patience....

Sort of....