We have tiny hairs!!

6 weeks and two days after chemo and I do believe we have hair growth from all the “thinning” that I was warned of! That was a hell of a thinning. Over 50% of my hair fell out! I can feel little short (I mean unmeasurable short) hairs up there!!!

Pretty much no way to photograph either. But Liz looked and thought she could see some little hairs at my bangs line. Woo hoo!

Excerpts from an update letter to my sister:
Re question in my upcoming surgery being in two spots...
My “stick it back together surgery was done with the resection. They pulled out 32cm aka 12in of rectum and sigmoid colon. They then disconnected the remaining colon from the transverse colon and splenic flexure and bring it down to make my “new” colon connection. They then did a baker closure (side to end like a T with the bottom being the puny 1” of rectum to the top of the T leaving. Lip to one side or the other (assume coming in from left and crossing over the rectum as that’s the “normal” direction that shows on the pictures. So the right side of the top of the T is coming in from my remaining colon and the left side would be the “pig tail” that will be the new “holding spot for stool”.

**not on my letter to my sis is the last few days my colon had decided to “play” again. As I’m sleeping Super sound and not emptying in the middle of the night I don’t know if I’m getting “overflow” from the top of the ileostomy to the bottom that leads to the colon. Hard to tell BUT so far I can hold it and get to the potty but it’s TINY amounts and hard to hold. Not looking good on my holding capacity in the future :( oh well we shall deal with that as it comes. **

So that’s done. They gave me the ostomy to let all that heal in there over what was to be 6 weeks after chemo but now will be more like 12 thanks to that pesky gallbladder and the healing they want me to have after that experience.

The hernia will be repaired when they do my reversal. They will see the intestines back together, drop it in the hole then sew up the hernia. Let’s hope they can pull that off. They won’t use mesh, so thats good. BUT mine is 11x5 inches I’m sure. It spans from mid section to the middle of my side. Sigh. Bigg’en!! But I did send a message to the surgical team to ensure they would be repairing it at the same time and if not they would arrange a tag team to have someone come in and do it after the ostomy repair.

So. Yes I will have much (two spots) scaring in my intestines and will have to worry about scar tissue (which I seem to get adhesions easily) as there were a lot when they went in for the gallbladder. So there is that concern. Me? I’m going to assume I’ll be grand!! I can eat ANYTHING I want to eat now. I eat nuts and salads, although I will admit salads scare me in large quantities so I just do small salads for now.

My bowels are going to be a challenge for a while as they have been unused for 7 months (8 by the time I have surgery) AND my body doesn’t seem to wake easily after surgery. I have to pass gas to go home after surgery. I have
Heard the first month is a living hell without that rectum. I have bought a bidet and have A&D ointment on hand already!! Oh and wipes.most folks say they poop 30x. A day the first few weeks then it should slow and you should start getting a little more control but expect that your new normal will NOT be normal. The first year or two I should be prepared for many an accident and to be prepared at all times as urgency is a bugger with little control.

WORSE case is that I don’t get control and my life is hell and I chose to go back to an ostomy - but this time odds would be that I would go colostomy and they are easier to control and output more solid waste. Not the case with the ileostomy which at best had oatmeal consistently if I’m lucky (I’m not lucky!) I’m also horrible at eating small meals multiple times a day. I eat a late breakfast - lunch. Then dinner and some snacks. After Christmas is going to put pounds on me. I got candy. Yum!!! I’m eating it all. Oink!!! The good news is I still can’t eat large amounts. I THINK I can. Case in point I ordered three tacos from Tacos and M ore (soft ones) and I ate 1.5. I have lunch for tomorrow either way!! Bonus! I always have left overs in the fridge!! Ha!!

In other forefront’s I have scheduled my hair cut and possible color. We shall see if she thinks my hair is healthy enough to color or if it would be good to highlight tips at least!! Not until the 22nd to allow time to color if she thinks it’s a wise choice. Mostly looking for cover up to the balding (spots on the back of my head and the bottoms -aka around my ears and back of my neck). I was reading blogs they are all saying hair growth starts at 4 weeks post chemo. Mine isn’t growing. No peach fuzz at all :(. Lizzie looked. I’m now 5 weeks post chemo. So here’s hoping it will start soon. And here’s hoping it’s curly! 😜

Oh, no change after removal of gallbladder so she was dead or non/functional at best. Poor thing. Good for me as I note NO difference other than no more attacks. Yay for that! That pain was worse than labor AND my LAR!! Not that I thought either was horrible. Again tough old bird! Ha! Hey if I take oxy the pain is horrible!! LOL.

I’m gaining strength and getting over a lot of the affects of chemo. My hands hurt less in the cold. I can eat ice cream. I don’t have bloody sinus buggers anymore. My feet are sort of numb but not bad. They do have very thick skin right now. I do have cold sensitivity handling things but not as bad. It’s slowly going away. I notice it less. Taste buds are recovering. Energy is gaining. Not as fast as I would like but I don’t do anything because I work all day BUT I did move out of my bed and to the dining table this week. That’s something new!! I got dressed and left the house to make hair appointment- been putting it off for weeks now.... not sure why. So I’m progressing. I walked Sams one last weekend AND Target in the same day! That’s a lot. Granted I rested between them. :)

So that’s my story.

Closet cleaning.

So today was the day I decided to clean the closet. Mom came over for moral support and to “judge” fit and function of clothing.


This “pile” is the slacks to have taken in. Maybe. I’m debating as I have Many pants in the closet that are “good enough” so I may hold off on these for a bit. Who knows. They may end up in consignment.


This BIG box is full of consignment.


Bag of winter tops that can’t go in just now as they are taking spring.






The sad thing is my closet is still chuck full ... the only evidence of clothing removed is the empty hangers on the bottom... ok and very few “play clothes”

Not pictured is the two bags of trashed paint clothes. I’m not going to take pictures of them in the garbage. Nope. Feet up chilling out now!!

So. I have a clothing basket full of who knows what I’m here too that needs to be “gone through” as well. I’m sure I have a spring box out in the garage as well. Crap crap and more crap.

Time to cull some more.

Post I put in my “tough chicks” group

Not feeling like a tough chick today.

Feeling like a marshmallow all week. Paperwork paperwork paperwork to get covered for work leave. New boss and the unknown if that have me stressed. THEN I bit the bullet and went to the hairdresser today to schedule my appointment to cut and color. Or just cut. Depends on the health of my hair. Then I got tears eyed on the way home. WTF? I have gone short before why is THIS causing tears??

I sometimes think it’s because NOW I have time to think to ponder. There is no more planning the attack. The attack is over. There is only a reversal to test for and accomplish. So why the freak am I so SAD lately??

Finally sinking in?? Who knows. But I’m an emotional basket case this week.

The full report - gallbladder

So basically I’m a hot mess inside.








Yeah photos are horrible!!

And I make pretty BLACK and blue green gallstones. Hum. Not sure if that’s pretty or not.



The BEST words on here?
No evidence of malignancy.
Sweet!!
Just gangrene and lots and lots of stones!!

If you read the size of the gallbladder:
11.5x4x3
Wall thicknesses:
.5 cm each side so interior is now:
10.5x3x2
Largest stone was:
2

So basically wall to wall!! Whoops!!

Other than that the wounds are healing fine. The steri-strips were pulled off today. They were driving me buggy and the drain holes scab fell off so I figured it was safe it was. They’re all fine. Healing great and sealed.

ONE less thing to worry about!!

Hair update and Audrey update

Hair update today.


Looks can be deceiving. Until you get closer.


Yep that’s scalp you see there. It’s SUPER thin there.


Again. Super thin. Bangs are barely there anymore.


Back of the head. Not sure if that’s a scan from hair falling out or not but it does come out in clumps at times. So who knows. Plus - I don’t feel anything back there except I know my brush is hitting scalp when I brush.


The hair that came out from my shower. Yeah. Showering makes it come out faster. I brush before and after shower so 1/2 is prior to shower, 1/2 after. Sigh.

This isn’t posted for sympathy, just documenting what’s going on. This is one month to the day from the last disconnect from chemo pump. You would think this would slow down by now, but nope. Sigh. This too shall pass. We will wait for it to grow back and see what color/texture I get. I’m voting GRAY and curls.




Still doesn’t look too shabby. Still debating going short as the braid and pony tail get thinner and thinner.

Update on bleeding stoma or bleeding skin around stoma. There is no blood at all upon flange change. No blood. One raw spot on the right side... brushing around both sides. Nothing horrible. It’s looking good. Well good, since it’s been abused a bit during surgery. So all is well in Audrey’s world. Or at least her neighborhood.

Christmas in Fl

Yep after surgery on Thursday prior to Christmas I went to FL for the holidays :)
Now don’t get me wrong, I did NOT drive here or there. I just relaxed and let others take care of details

We did get all the way down when it dawned on men that I left ALL the stocking stuffers here in Warmer Robins. Der!!

Oh well, second Christmas was bad here Wednesday night when we came home :)

We left on Christmas Eve day.
We went out to eat dinner at Okinawa. It was delish! The last time we went there I was on Optifast. It was nice to eat some of the food stuff! I still don’t have the capacity to eat a lot but I enjoyed it all!! Yum!!


We then went to the Destin Commons to watch The Shape of Water as it’s not playing anywhere near us and it’s an independent film. It was too much sex and nudity in the beginning but the story was good and we all enjoyed it!













Christmas Day was great fun opening presents and enjoying the day!






Santa not being too sneaky :)


My pooper I really wanted ;)


Liz and her Xbox.


Angela in snuggly blanket.


The aftermath!!


XBox One. She really wanted the Nintendo switch but doesn’t know to not play games and pick a more expensive item then dropping the lower price one as an option. Silly girl. She got the more expensive option. :)


Too funny! Embroidered on a TP roll. ;)


Fun hat!!


Everyone back on devices and Angela snuggled in her new electronic throw!


Merry Christmas!!




Camellia from my back yard. Pretty. I have a white one in the front as well ;)

That moment when you.....

That moment when you are unloading gifts and realize you left ALL the stocking stuffers at the house - FIVE hours away.

Sigh. Guess Christmas is extended a bit this year!

Well that didn’t go as planned ... (new theme of my life)

Gallbladder surgery was scheduled for Thursday. First case of the day. Scheduled to last about an hour.



In good spirits!!


Ports are great for avoiding IV sticks!!

I go in I actually got to see the surgery room before they gave a shot and whammo I am OUT. Zzzzzzzz

I wake up in pain and being told they had complications and I’ll be transferred to the hospital overnight. Hum. Ok. Still drugged. It’s kind of funny that you have to be transferred by ambulance even though it’s only like 100 yards between the surgery center and the hospital. I got a ride from two nice paramedics. Transferred to my bed and everything. Ok thanks boys!

Then I find out the rest of the story. So my one hour surgery ended up being three hours. My gallbladder was gangrenous and friable (falling apart at the touch) AND adhered to my liver.

Yeah sometimes I wonder how I am alive too. Geeze. Talk about complications after complications. So. They didn’t revert to an open incision as the surgical center is not ready set up for that (small favors for faster recovery) but they did cut a little longer internally on my bellybutton incision to get the dang thing OUT.

But out it is! Good riddance. I was told there was a stone in there that was as old as I was (hum, wouldn’t shock me) I didn’t get to see any of them but she did take three pictures. I just need to get a copy of my records to see them.

So that day with no one to bother me,talk to me or encourage me to get up I slept ALL day! On and off of course. There is NO sleep for you in hospitals!

I also had the fun experience of a sleeping bladder again. Frustrating. They, however let nature take its course and every two hours after vitals check I headed to the potty to see if my body would catch on. It finally started to work at 2am then really wake up at 6am. Thank goodness!!

But I created a monster in that last night while at home my body thought “we gotta pee every two hours” through the night. Sigh. Small price to pay and good practice getting in and out of bed. It’s easier the more I move I find.



I did wake up enough to have “dinner” on Thursday at the hospital - the mystery meat was OK and the mashed potatoes were REALLY good. The spice cake to me was super dry but the girls came to visit me and said it was OK and not dry so it was still that drying med they give you for surgery that was messing with me.


5am wake up call it was clear. I liked over at 7 and saw this! Wow that was quick. AND at one point a flock of geese flew right over the hospital and went honking their way into the fog. Really pretty cool. I wasn’t quick on the draw for a camera then either!

So overnight I was given three bags of IV antibiotics. And three bags of fluids on a slow drip. So. It wasn’t good in my poor belly at all.

I had a drain that wasn’t putting out much and they pulled it the next day (Friday) so I didn’t have to go home with it - yay!!.

That wasn’t fun. They have a “new” type that isn’t supposed to allow for clots. Let me tell you that extra 1/8th inch bigger and flattened surface catches on your opening and poops through and HURTS like a booger!!! Yeah I yipped when she pulled that part out. Holy mother!!! But we giggled about it after. It was only about 12” inside me and 3 or four inches was that end piece. Should have taken a picture but was too shocked from that newfangled piece that even Mayo didn’t use!

Then it was a matter of hurry up and wait for them to get paperwork together. I made it out of the hospital at 10:45. Even after the doc told me at 7:30am they were going to get me discharged. Ok let’s GO already!!

So day one at home I continued the soft diet. Mom and dad along with David and Laura came to visit too. I hadn’t seen Laura since she was diagnosed. She not using the wheel chair but a walker with wheels and a seat. So she’s mobile for the most part. She is still concerned for a break and her docs are sure it’s just a matter of time until she breaks the leg/hip. Ouch is all I have to say.

They came over again today as we have a good bathroom for showers for them as ours has a bench and the wand to get clean. And they both fit in there so Dave can really help her out. That’s a plus! We had a nice visit while they were here but apparently it wore me out cause I passed out in the recliner for a few hours after they left ;) zzzzz sleepy head!!

Today (Saturday) has been good minimal pain. Mostly from the bellybutton cut but I took some Tylenol and knocked it right down. Should be good to head to Fl tomorrow. It will be weird to be out and go so far from home. I haven’t been away from the house since I last went to Mayo. There’s a scary thought.

So there you have it. I make things complicated even for simple surgeries BIT it’s good that it’s done and out and no more worries or attacks!!

Coming out of my fog!!

Well, yesterday I got motivated to pay bills...

This has taken me almost a month to get off my tush to do. It was getting a little scary on two bills – they were super late, but honestly, that’s life. I had to call and tell them.. yeah, I’m sorry, I’m just coming off Chemo and I really screwed up! Sorry!!

Just time to go into surgery - ha! But before that a little fun!!

Today I have a girls lunch with Barbara, Peggy and Sherry. It was fun, it's our Christmas one, so presents are in order! I have my three identical gift bags set out for them with different personalized stuff for them along with my bag of key chains for folks at work.

I gave a mix of things from a cute store here in Warner Robins. So I shopped local and got cute gifts. I got each girl a cute makeup bag with sayings that were just cute and positive for women. Each got a cute flat dish with fun sayings for jewelry or whatever. And a “just elfing around” socks. A cup cosey stating girls rule the world. AND a I ❤️ NYC magnet as well as a Christmas ornament from there.

I really should have taken pictures of their goodies.



My gift bags were all pretty much the same.


This is from Peggy. CUTE cross body adjustable day purse, cute note pad that has “there is still so much to see” and a luggage tag. Do they know me? :)


From Sherry there was a necklace in the glass. It has three snap in beads to interchange with the necklace you see below. Beach you stuff - glass says “beach time” and the notebook is cute beach theme and some YUMMY smelling tea! I’m excited to try that tea!!


The necklace is super cute!! Love the length.


From Barbara. A very cute and classy Moose I think he may need to become an ornament on my tree as it’s naked still. And the super cute bouncy moose as well. More rustic and adorable.

This afternoon I planned to go in and drop off keychains and update my computer with no one in the office. They won’t be out until 5pm. Drat. Maybe tomorrow?
Yeah

Another tradition I started when I went somewhere and brought back key chains - I think it's a fun tradition. I have ten - enough to give to everyone in my room and a few to spare to those who really like getting goodies when someone goes on a trip - Pam comes to mind first. I'm sure there are a few more on that list that would appreciate a key chain from NYC. I have ten chains to give out
1. K
2. D
3. M
4. L
5. D
6. B
7. P
8. T (pseudo boss)
9. ?
10. ?
Nope, not enough for three girls… but two spares… hum…maybe one for the contract boss? Who knows!
One for me for sure!!

Yeah, it’s sad that it’s taken almost a month for me to get those to work – but really… this last chemo and the NYC trip really kicked my butt. I’m pretty sure it wasn’t the NYC trip really, just the chemo and cumulative effects of what it does to you overall. I was just beat down, then add a few gallbladder attacks in there and I was done, done, done!

It’s been rough pulling back from this one… I didn’t bounce, I had to crawl back from this one… it’s been three weeks today from my last chemo infusion (well, the big infusion, but pump a few more days), I wasn’t recouping well between the last two anyway so now I get to see when I would have REALLY come out of the fog on those too… looks like two and a half to three weeks and I would have been recouping a bit… EVER so grateful I didn’t do the full 6 months as was prescribed in the past… not sure I would have done OK with that…I would have done it, but I’m sure I would have been a zombie at the end.

I’m starting to get over the cold issues with my mouth – which is GRAND – I had a shake with French fries the other day… not sure I blogged that or not, but it was tasty. The last time I tried ice cream a week ago it burned my tongue and wasn’t very tasty as my taste buds were still off as well… and it was vanilla – who can TASTE vanilla?? LOL I still need things with some flavor in them or it just isn’t worth it… got some goldfish crackers the other day… they were so bland they didn’t have a taste to me at all… so not worth it.

I’m getting horrible about eating now of all times… nothing sounds good… what I want I can’t have… so I just don’t eat. NOT the best idea there is.. my fitness app is getting mad at me as I log calories daily and I’m logging 800 and 900 and it’s yipping saying “you’re not eating enough… .it’s not healthy” blah, blah, blah. Don’t care, don’t wanna eat and when I do I don’t want to eat what I should… I know, I know – BAD Donna.

In a week I’ll be on mush anyway. At least for a week I’ll be on soft foods and bland diet again. Oh, well, that’s life. Sad when someone who LOVES food is just like “meh, can’t have it anyway, so why care? I need to switch to some different fruits too – bananas are all I have had in a while – with the exception of applesauce. I don’t know that there are any in season that would be good. Oh, I had raspberries there for a while – they were tasty. I need to go INTO a grocery store – another thing that I haven’t done in a while… just too tired.

Yeah, I’m felling better I f I’m thinking *I* want to go into a grocery store!! LOL. I’ll wait until after this surgery then I’ll go… or maybe today on the way home as I want to try the HINT water that is flavored but not carbonated. I have had issues with strong flavors and carbonation – mostly because it makes Audrey gassy on the carbonation part – nothing else. The strong flavors… well, that just messes with one’s taste buds!

Somethings that are easing are:
Bloody boogers. They are almost non-existent now. Thank goodness. I was so tired of bloody snot!! (TMI I know)
Overall chills feeling of being cold may be able to switch out of winter jammies
Tiredness. Yeah naps are good. No they’re GREAT!! Getting better slowly.

Things that are NOT easing
Cold sensitivity in hands
Neuropathy if the feet - just feeling off
Diarrhea - yeah
Hair loss. Good lord. I think I’m losing more lately.






That’s a LOT of hair!!!
I now no longer want to know WHERE it’s coming from. Ha! I know. I’m a chicken!!

I know it will grow back...

I know it will grow back, but REALLY. Ya can’t be nice and not come out in clumpy areas??


THIS I can see daily. I’m aware I’m thinning desperately in the bangs area and right at my ears. Those have been getting thinner and thinner...

But this??


This is why my kids are telling me NOT to cut my hair. It’s super patchy at the back. Yuck.

So. For now the pony tail and the buns will hide the patches until they start to sprout some new hairs.

Also explains how I can have gerbil sized hair balls come out two or three times a week and hamster size in between. Now I know where it’s coming from!!

And it’s time to wear wide headbands or something!! Nawh, kidding only tall people can see it for now.

Update

What will I miss from Chemo??





Fast growing STRONG nails.
Anything else? NOPE!

Two weeks plus out from last chemo and
I wanted a treat. I got a small chocolate shake and fries from McDonalds. Do not question a gals cravings - EVER.

Ok the HANDS are not over cold sensitivity, but the mouth IS - whoop!! Whoop!! Small victory!!

I got home and Angela looked at my treat longingly. The good news is that the tummy only holds so much right now anyway so she ended up with the last 1/2 to 1/3. Bonus for both of us, eh?

All because I had to go take a kid to Honda to pick up her car. Which, BTW is STILL broken! Their diagnostics sucked!! Ugh. So it still cuts out and won’t start and still has fuel issues. Crap, crap, crap!!

So back to Honda it must go today. Guess I’ll go get a kid to get up and take it in now!! Car’s necessary evils :)

With her new job Liz could sell Steve and get a new car.. eventually. She found a Honda FIT that was a stick that she
Would love to have. Now to get the first paycheck to see if she can afford it.

Surgeon scheduling called

Pre-op today.
Surgery the 21st (or sooner if they can fit me in)
Barring problems should be fine to go to FL for Christmas (maybe)

Last night I was getting chills all night. BAD chills!! I had on a fuzzy robe, sweats, fuzzy socks AND a blanket (and a child on my feet!!). Still had chills. I finally went to bed at 9 and put a doubled queen comforter over me AND the sweats and fuzzy socks still. Burrrrr

I finally warmed up when Liz came hollering into the room at 10. I was fast asleep!!

Stayed that way most of the night in part thanks to 5mg Oxy. Lol. Knocked me right out!!

Bag empty (wasn’t super needed as I haven’t really eaten yesterday but did one anyway) at 3am. The toilet seat was COLD!! I’m so tired of middle of the night potty breaks. :(

And now that I’ve chosen to go forward with this surgery. The reversal will be delayed at LEAST a week. Crap. Sigh. Don’t WANT to put that one off but honestly can’t deal with the pain anymore from my the stupid gallbladder:(

Ugh!!!!!

Well this sucks.

I’m back to gallbladder pain. Damn it!

I was thinking I had been pain free for only a few weeks but really took was three weeks. Right before Thanksgiving.

So. I gave up, I called the surgeon and said it’s time. I’m back to pain. This SUCKS and I’m over it.

Poor pitiful me.

My life now...

Fleece jammies, covers pulled up, computer and TV on (there are fluffy socks under there too!!).

How will I survive going to work (physically that is)?

I like this warmth factor is awesome in the winter. My hands still have neuropathy - cold sensitivity is still going strong at 10 days out. I’m hopeful this will dissipate at two weeks.

What’s sad is I asked Kim about nose bleeds and will it end. She said she still has nose bleeds. Crap. Maybe some of this won’t end anytime soon.

I read on line that it may take a year for some of this. Well sh*t!! Fun stuff eh? I just need to make it to warm weather and being able to eat cold things again and I’ll be happy ;)

I like warm tea and all, but really luke warm drinks at restaurants gets old. Not that I go out to eat much either. That’s another thing that will be nice. Being able to go out without thinking “will I expose myself to illness too much?” Much less having the ENERGY to go out would be nice. Right now it’s a struggle to shower AND leave the house in the same day. Sad, I know.

That and planning shower AND bag appliance changes. Yeah. I’m just tired. I’m sure next week will look better.. .it typically did for treatments 1-4 then went downhill for 5&6. So. It may take a few more days to “bounce back” than before or maybe I’m just pussing out and giving into the whole cancer girl thing. Tired of fighting it all. Lemme just lay here and “be” for a while.

I have a mammogram on Monday to plan for and an appointment with my oncologist on the 22nd here locally. So, I can’t quite “run away” to unwind and recoup. Drat it.

We will head out to Sally’s this holiday season leaving Lizzie here at the house - she may come down for Christmas Day then head home shortly after.

I had been told by Mayo I would have testing on the 3rd of January and reversal on the 11th but have yet to get my appointment to show up in the portal. Maybe because the new year hasn’t started.

And so we wait. And wait. And wait.

Why I don’t shower often and update on Gallbladder

It’s getting thinner and thinner.... my scalp is cold!! Time for hats :) when I go out!

Haven’t weighed myself in a while. I’m still about the same I think.







And today is drs appointment with Harrington to see about the lovely gallbladder and what the plan will be for dealing with it.

So the scoop is. It’s up to me. The gallbladder is angry and has to go. If I’m holding steady and can maintain the low fat bland diet (low fat - LMAO) I should be able to avoid surgery until I recover from the reversal. They need 4 weeks recovery after the main surgery. So. I’m choosing to wait. I would rather reverse first of possible. So we behave and don’t overdo. Says the woman who stopped at Wilson’s for a doughnut AND a dozen finger cookies!! OINK!!

Yeah. Weight loss will NOT stick at this rate. Ha!




Well there you have it. It really ISN’T getting too thin ;) this goes back to summer weather!!