I realized that I hadn't updated on the poop issues... so if potty talk is NOT your thing, move on dear readers, move on :)
I have to say that for 4 months after surgery, I'm feeling good. NOT 100% but really, really good. The good days are outweighing the bad, but there is still a factor of "you are NOT quite up to par just yet..." as seen by my reactions for the events from Saturday. Really, all that activity was FUN, it was good while I was doing it, I was tired, but not EXHAUSTED. But then Sunday hit and really? I was drained - fully and completely drained... it was so sad. I didn't get out of jammies and even Butch commented that even AFTER a nap I looked tired... and I was. Bone tired. It was weird. I don't think I truly recovered all week. I have just been tired and grumpy and out of sorts.
Add to that that this week was a bad week. Although I have had those recently, they are getting fewer and farther apart. I know the last one was just a few weeks ago, but really, I think the last time that I had a bad day at work was almost a month ago.... OK, maybe two weeks ago... but not recent enough that I'm thinking "good lord, aren't we past this yet?" So in my mind, this is a definite improvement.
This week, although bad, wasn't horrible. I had some issues with what I think is constipation in that I felt like I needed to go, but wasn't really able to get the job done.... THEN after walking out to deliver some stuff to Elizabeth (we missed each other earlier), I was walking back into the building and my bowels decide THEN is a good time to go ahead and let loose.... to which in my mind confirms this isn't a constipation issue as everything is smooth and didn't have one little issue eking out (thank goodness for protection and baby wipes!!)... it's a matter of my innards not passing waste in an efficient and consistent manner... it hoards it for about two days then purges. Sigh. On a plus side it's all over in a matter of an hour or so and a few trips to the potty... and on the good side this week's wasn't a "go through four pads doing mad dashes to the potty" day... as it was a few weeks ago. AND this week's purge was nicely followed with a few more days of reasonable almost "normal" potty stops where I was purging without the follow on diarrhea, Which at this point is about as normal as I have been in a long time.
Now for even more TMI data. My colon is still not doing its job as it's designed. As in its not pulling out water efficiently as it could be. To its defense we are about 20% shorter.... so there is less area to actually pull said water out. What does this mean to me? There are not fully formed stools. This is good in a lot of ways as it's easier on your bum (soft and not solid, not stretching any scar tissues low in the bowel), but bad in some ways as its harder on your bum (rash, retention issues as it's not solid). So... trying to get things back on an even keel as I went to bed last night and had the desire to go to the restroom... OK, I'll bite... let's see if this is squirrel turds (small amount and really reminds me of what a squirrel would produce). I got up and low and behold my body produced what I would consider a "normal" movement... not normal in consistency, we're still loose, but in amount - I'm sure if it was compacted as a normal colon would compact it. Mine's not compacting it, but it did a good job of holding it until the end of the day and releasing it in one go, not bits here and there. To my body's defense I have also learned to just "sit there" for a bit and relax and see if things will continue to progress. This wasn't good for my sleep pattern... well, I guess in the long run, it IS good for it as I'm not up and down multiple times. But having to pass a BM at 10:30 didn't make me happy I was just drifting off after going to bed... sigh. Oh, well, progress is progress, it's not looking at the clock. I should be grateful it wasn't at 2am, and I AM.. that would have been MUCH worse.
So progress. Baby steps. I should report that I'm now out of depends. I don't wear them at night any longer. I'm confident that if I get the urge to go I will wake up. This wasn't the case in the beginning... so there is HUGE progress in that... I think I stopped wearing them about a month ago with only once in that time I put one on during the day as I was running back and forth to the potty and NOT making it, so I relented... So there is that little bit of sunshine in my life! I'm still wearing pads daily - I can't foresee ever getting rid of those, but I'm sure the day is coming as I AM getting more control, just not being able to forecast when I will need them, so they are a daily thing - BUT I have downgraded from the BIG ones to smaller ones and they are doing the trick. The only time they sort of failed me was the day of my hair appointment weeks ago... and that was one of my worst days/weeks in a LONG time.
My bum is sore this week, but there is hope.
On the neuropathy points. I was going to try acupuncture and found one that is local, but then found out that although my insurance covers acupuncture, this gal isn't in network, so would not be covered at all. And care to guess what she costs? $245 for the first visit ($215 if you aren't covered by insurance)... and $115 an hour after that. The closest that I think we have on in network is in Atlanta... so, I don't think I'll be trying that after all. Sigh. Frustrations. BUT this isn't a horrible thing either... I have numbness on my toes and the ball of my feet ... and it's not horrible. It's Annoying because it's a hybrid feeling of both numbness and hypersensitivity. I can feel every single grain of dirt on the floor and they hurt, but I don't know if they are hot/cold and they are sort of numb to the touch at times... either way, numb toes are not a deal breaker in the long run. There are also a few things that they can try medically as well, but I have avoided those as most of the drugs they offer come with so many horrible side effects, I just don't want to deal with them. I did try Gabapentin and it worked to some extent to wake up those nerves, but it also caused my ankles to swell horribly. So, I have choices to make. I don't know that my toes are worth $500 (as I'm sure it would take multiple visits). And who knows, time may take care of this and it may just go away on its own.
Speaking of things going away on their own. The weird nerve thing where if I put my head down I would have a nerve shock all the way in my toes is now gone... I can look down and there is a slight pulling feeling in the nerves (if that makes sense) but there is no electric shock anymore! So that's a thing! Yay for that resolving... so there is hope that the toes will come back.. but for now, they feel cold to me at all times, but when I use my fingers to feel them, they are as warm as can be... dang nerves need to get uncrossed there!!
So - progress, things are moving in the right direction all at 7 months post chemo, 4 months post reversal. Someone told me the exhaustion won't ever go away, which made me sad... I was hoping that would eventually go away too.. this came from someone else who had chemo in the past ... so I believe her to some extent. I'll just blame mine on getting old instead of chemo :) For now I do have my spurts of energy, followed by some down time where I'm recouping... I can live with that.. for now!
