College drop off!!

Angela is off to Kennesaw today!! My baby is a college student!!!


All packed up and ready to go!!! Yes she has inherited Bertha and Liz has been relegated back to Steve (the CRV) for the duration - or until she gets a full time job then she am an use him as a trade in. Poor Steve.

College here she comes!!



Angela's room "A" for Angela 😄


Everything dumped in!!



Still a ways to go in decorating but she's getting it all out together. 😄 she'll be home a few weeks from now to get more things from the house and settle in a bit more.

And with that the last child is starting a more independent life 😄

The cyst results are....

The cyst results are in and the stitches are out.

Turns out it was an infected follicle. Deep apparently. Honestly I was concerned over it until it popped. Mystery solved there!! Something wasn't happy and so far none of my cancerous stuff has had puss (ewh!) (ear and bum)

They looked at it, removed the stitches, said Elizabeth did a great job with it and said "let it heal, you're all good." Yay. Done and done.

No antibiotics, just let it heal and do whatever you've been doing (gently). One less thing to worry my pea brain 😀

Things seen on my walk yesterday

Blue heron pretty and BIG





There were about four of them darting across the road.





Do you see her???


Zoom in. She was hanging out in the woods staring at me for a bit

So that cyst....

The one I had biopsies over a week ago? Yeah, Liz put a water proof bandaid on it Saturday so I could finally get in the pool - it was sunny!! I didn't want to get sunscreen on the stitches.

I did my thing, blew off the deck, floated in the pool, brushed down the pool, general, outside stuff for the day. I then went in at dinner and Liz removed the bandaid to let everything breathe again and noted discharge. WTH!? So, being the non-grossed out person she is she squeezed it a bit. All I heard was , ewh and OMG and lots of paper towels were used. Suffice to say the although they didn't drain this thing at the clinic, apparently the core they took weakened the wall and it finally weakened enough and ruptured and contents were released. Yuckie!

Liz worked on it for 1/2 hour then added hydrogen peroxide and bandaged me back up. Overnight we had MORE drainage and it looks like someone stabbed me in the back! So, stitch removal may not go as planned on the 9th!

Oh well, I no longer look like Quasimodo. Ha! (It wasn't that big of a lump!)

Optifast week 6

Maybe the universe is trying to tell me to shut up about my negative feelings. My last post "poof" disappeared. Sigh

I just said I was mad. Mad at the world this week. Mad at my body and the fact that I'm NOT losing weight. I've not budged in two weeks. The worst I've find is a spoon of rice and turkey burger in cream of mushroom - a SMALL spoon mind you. Pinches of things. Just tiny smidges. Tastes of salsa. Really can't add up to more than 5 calories each. No worse than sugar free gum really and I barely chew that anymore because that tooth is NOT fixed. Another point of anger for me.

Everything is just ticking me off. I forgot to get my stupid urine test last week too. Dammit

I'm mad at the work paper trail issues. The frustration that abounds.

I'm tired of having to beg my children to pick up the friggin slack and clean the house they live in and TRASH. I'm just MAD.

Mad I keep getting woken up at the crack of dawn because someone can't stay on their half and kicks or pushes. WTF I can't sleep in anymore.

Just friggen mad!!!!!

So here's the disappointment






Yeah there is a difference from the start. But not much from last week. Sigh. I won't quit. I'll just be pissed for a bit

Small blessings

So today I have had it brought to my attention that I have had a LOT of time to adjust to the idea of this surgery. What it may mean to me with a possible ostomy. With dealing with what that will mean to me. With being able to put in paperwork to be able to telework to save time with no pay. Time to absorb. Time to adjust. Time to process.

There are a LOT of folks out there who don't have this. I have come to the realization that it's been a silver lining in my waiting timeframe.

Small blessings here and there. Little but important things.

So, yeah, waiting has been hard, but a blessing just the same.

Optifast week 5 and 5 days. I Cracked!

Today I cracked (literally?) and ate my emergency meal in place of a shake. Two eggs and 1/2 cup O.j is allowed. I substituted salsa (same calories). 5 weeks 5 days. Good a friggen'nuf. Back at it for the last two shakes today and the next two weeks. I am so over shakes. Movin to Australia so I can have veggies 😂

After a bit of a panic...

After a bit of a panic over not loosing anything in almost a week I am pleased to say I lost another three pounds.
I typically have been posting these every two weeks but after my bowel woes and not losing any for a week I figured I would do a 5 week update anyway.






Not noticeable to most folks as fat really does mush into clothes. But I notice that there is one set of pants (I have a few of the same ones) just don't work anymore. They are too loose around the waist. The rest of my clothing fits close to the same.

I guess that's the difference between needing to lose 20lbs vs needing to lose 100.

Weight loss as of today is 28 pounds.
I think I want me to be at 40 pounds lost or more to do the surgery. I don't know that it's possible at the current rate of loss. I average 12.5 every two weeks or so and I have three weeks to go until surgery... so I keep plugging away.

I have been more and more obsessed with food or the lack there of. I was NEVER this obsessed with food in the past. I enjoyed food. I ate food when I wanted and how I wanted, but not out of the normal time frames. Portions was my issue.

I haven't broken down and eaten the "emergency" meal yet (2 eggs). I have that fear that they will look at me and say "nope, still too fat, can't do the surgery". The doubt that they would do that but I want them to know I'll do what it takes to get this done.

The other irrational side is hoping that by this show of strength they will truly avoid the ileostomy. I'm sure my fortitude will have no bearing if I get the ileostomy or not, but the thought is stuck in my brain!!

HOWEVER if I do have to have a bag I feel more prepared in that I have some reach back to support and help on line. I'll deal either way... however may still be vocal about not liking it and not liking the idea of ANOTHER major surgery later to reconnect!!

I have opened the gates of hell

Oh good lord be careful what you wish for. Apparently I have unblocked and unblocked. And unblocked. Lordie.

I shall not complain too loudly as I'm finally able to get things moving...however time to back off the laxative portion of the regimen!!

My poor bum!!

Ok nobody freak

I have a cyst about the middle of my back. It's about dime size and not growing. It's noticeable as a kid found it while scratching my back. Hum.

Ok I admit I'm freaking a little too. I went to the dermatologist today. They took a BIG core sample (smaller than an eraser width, but just barely, and about that long too). It's solid - nothing to drain. She said "it's probably nothing".

Yes, it's off to pathology with it! I find out in two weeks what it is.

Good gawd if it's not one thing it's another!!

So the 9th I find out what it is.

Where's my Gold star???

(Fixed the title from old to Gold!)
Today I 💩'd without noticeable blood.

Yes, it's a victory for me. I'm drugged to do it but I will NOT complain about that fact!!

I found my balance of:
Morning:
1 Stool softener
Fiber
AfterNoon:
1 Stool softener
Fiber
Bedtime:
2 stool softeners with a light laxative

This seems to work without disturbing the locals (aka no bleeding!)

Let's see if this holds for a week or three!!

Tuesday trauma (ok, not really)

So today was another visit to Mayo. I chose to go solo on this trip. I could have had company, but really, why?  It's a long drive south, for a few minutes here and there and more waiting than anything.

I also chose to go surface roads on the way down. It was a nice change of pace. I went pretty much directly south east. Straight shot. I also finished the book on tape a co-worker loaned me. It was a Jack Reacher book 12CDs. It had a nice twist at the end. I actually was already on disk 7 from the last trip down 😀  I finished on the way home at Tifton. I really need to get a few more of those for drives. They're great distractions.

So, the doctors (nutritionist) visits. I'm right on track for surgery. They will substitute NOTHING. I'm warned against doing the emergency food because they need me to lose the weight. I'm right at 25 pounds lost over four weeks. The thought is that I will be at the desired BMI by the time I get to surgery. They're happy with the progression and she sent a note to the doc stating as such. AND I don't have to see her until I'm down there for surgery. Sweet!

Personally I'm over this. I told the nutritionist it's too much sweet for too long and I'm having a hard time choking down the 5th shake of the day. She warned me about that too as dropping that last 160 calories may do more harm than good as the 800 calories is supposed to be the tipping point of not going into starvation mode and allowing me to lose still. I seriously call bull shit on the whole thing. I'm already in starvation mode.  

Sigh. So no weight change since Sunday. Not shocking as mine at home is no clothing at there I'm IN clothing 😜 Thinking they would NOT want me to strip in the halls - bwahahaha!

And so it continues for another three weeks!

Optifast week4

Unofficial weight loss is 24.5 lbs. let's call it 25, shall we?!
So the reason folks don't notice is this:


Jammie's and clothing are the SAME week. Week 4. Clothing adds bulk. Hum. Note to self need more slimming clothing but these are comfortable!!

You'll see a stark difference in these shots too as far as clothing not showing the losses





BUT we all know the truth. If I maintain current trend I should be about 50lbs down for surgery. That's good. Much less risk for me. That's a plus. Much easier for the doc to do what he needs. A plus for him.

This week has been a BITTER and ANGRY week for me. These yahoos on line who are spouting colon cancer is a lifestyle and that's the only reason you have it are in my last nerves. I have seen hundreds on line saying they were runners, athletes with GREAT eating habits and they have cancer. But these yahoos keep spouting "change this", "change that" and you won't have reoccurrence. Just makes me mad 😡. They are NOT researchers. They are not scientists if so then the world wouldn't have cancers in healthy individuals EVER. Grrrr. Oh well I walked away from that conversation in there.

That and I haven't pooped. Yeah enough to make anyone an angry person. Are you super happy to read about poop? I have pooped once (maybe twice) in the last almost two weeks. I am drinking over 64ozs of water a day. Sometimes I may be right at the limits but honestly I add more ice to my shakes than they say to, so I get more liquid there (and it's watering down the sweetness as well). So I don't think it's a lack of liquids. And I'm peeing a LOT so I'm well hydrated. More so than I've ever been in my life! But no poop.

I went to the pharmacist and laid it in the line. Gave him the diagnosis, the tumor Location and not wanting to do anything harsh, but needing some relief. He gave me stool softeners with a laxative and some probiotics. Ok.

I had a very loose passing with blood on day three of the softener/laxative but only after I took three instead of two the night prior and I paid for it with cramping and general discomfort for the day....and blood not a lot, but blood. Remember I haven't had blood in normal life situations since the 5th of June after popcorn. So this doesn't make me a happy woman.

So weigh in is actually when I'm full of poop too - ha. I'm so over this already and I have a YEAR or a while lifetime to deal with these poop issues. Ugh. What's a girl to do? "I just wanna go poop, I just wanna be normal again!" Said in her BEST Private Benjamin voice (if you're young, rent the movie!!)

And let's do talk about this diet. I'm OVER it. Tooooooomuch friggen sweets!! I know, I know, WHO says that? Hum a woman who has had nothing but strawberry, chocolate or vanilla ANYTHING in FOUR WEEKS!! Yes, I'm gonna yell at that one. I'm tired of sweet!!!

I have been horrible in the last week. I look at shake number 5 and think "oh hell no" and go to bed instead. Really. I just can't hang any more.

Tuesday is the day I see the nutritionist. I was going to cancel and ask to do the blood work and weigh in here but decided I need to TALK to her. I'm looking at can labels lately and thinking I can eat a whole can of green beans for 60 calories. A WHOLE CAN!! I know, I know nutritional value. Bah. I'm over it!! I can't become malnourished in four weeks I'm sure!!

So. That's where I am. I think this qualifies as the "emergency" that they told me to eat the eggs. But even then I look at the Orange Juice they want me to consume with that. Uh, no!! The calories in that would give me FOUR tablespoons of pico instead. Suck it lady!! Tomatoes are fruits, right??

Oncologist appointment

I met with my local oncologist today. I like him. I think we will be a good fit. I also saw the facilities. It a nice place. I also got my first follow up with him for after surgery 7 September.

I'll actually start chemo before I'm even released back to work from surgery, so I started the follow on paperwork for telework for the duration. And so the adventure begins.

Here's to seeing how I feel once this gets started. He said to have one one drive me until I find out how I will react. Fair enough.

Day 21 - Optifast.

OK. I'm now at week three.
Well, not until tomorrow morning. But this is a full 21 days on liquid diet.

Is it working? You betcha. Can I tell? You betcha. Can others? Nawh, there are no comments from anyone at work.

2 weeks weight loss: 13lbs (their scale)
3 weeks weight loss: 7.5lbs (my scale)

Yes, that total is 20.5lbs

And this week I'm STARVING!! What the hell!??? I don't do bad in the morning, but at night? Horrible!! Today I had 7am, 11am, 3pm, 5pm, 7pm, 9pm and starving at 9:30. Sigh. Not giving in JUST yet. Not truly emergency mode just yet... adding a Fresca. Maybe that will help then just go to BED!!

Anyway. Here is the results.


Ok I can NOT see the difference from the front. No way, no how...just don't see it unless it's my BOOBS shrinking. I mean come on! Not the boobs!! Honestly bras are fitting a little different, so sadly they may be shrinking 🙁 boooo - hahaha - kidding. Who cares.

The NEXT is where I have to admit the difference.


Yeah there is a difference. I am NOT sucking in. Nope. Not at all. Just standing there all relaxed

May have to go to the gym to exercise the arms there. While I still can (for a while)

So there you have it.

Oh and I read my lab results on my tumors. It was a little scary with thoughts of a DNA something or other. There is a bit more to have them look at as far as the heredity factor of what's going on in there.

I went back and looked at the initial paperwork.
3 polyps removed
1 polyp ablated
1 cancer tumor identified
Next colonoscopy
1 polyp removed
1 biggie identified
Next colonoscopy
Identified biggie removed
1 MORE polyp removed

Yeah. The total is 8. EIGHT. One of the 8 is really a tumor. 1 precancerous. Yeah, something is going on in there pathology report says:

Interpretation: The results of the IHC analysis suggest the presence of normal DNA mismatch repair function within the tumor. Thus, the likelihood that this individual has an inherited colon cancer syndrome due to defective DNA mismatch repair (HNPCC/Lynch syndrome) is reduced but not eliminated.

These results reduce but do not completely rule out the possibility of defective DNA mismatch repair within the tumor because approximately 5% of cases with defective mismatch repair do not show absence of protein expression by IHC. These results also do not exclude the possibility that this individual's tumor is due to an inherited defect in another gene not involved in DNA mismatch repair. A significant fraction of clinically defined HNPCC cases (30% or more) do not have defective DNA mismatch repair as the underlying genetic basis of their disease.

Additionally, we cannot rule out the possibility that this individual or family has HNPCC/Lynch syndrome because this tumor could represent a sporadic occurrence. If there is a strong personal or family history of HNPCC/Lynch syndrome-related cancers for this individual or if this individual has multiple tumors, consider microsatellite instability (MSI) testing on this tumor or a different tumor to further evaluate the possible role of defective DNA mismatch repair for this individual or family.

CAUTIONS: Test results should be interpreted in context of clinical findings, family history, and other laboratory data. A genetic consultation may be of benefit.

So... how's THAT for messed up? Sigh. So. We I assume they are doing the MIS testing they indicated and we will seek out the genetic consultation and see what this means for MY girls!! I guess we won't borrow trouble until we hear more, bug we will investigate for sure!!

Third times the charm.

We chose to drive to Jacksonville this morning. Crack of dawn...I drove down...Butch drove back 😜

First up, blood work (typical) then ECG. All went fine 😀
What wasn't fine was fasting, clear diet, clear liquid diet day prior AND nothing to drink from 11am forward. Ugh!


Lunch for Butch...and I got nada, no water, nada. Insert pity party 😭


Pretty bird in the pond while walking to get stuff from the car.
Back to the clinic..and checked into gastro. New area to visit. It was in the Mayo building. A new one for me to some extent. MRI was there too on the 2nd floor. Gastro is on the 5th floor and very much a hospital setting. There is a central nurses station with about ten curtained "rooms" around it.


This is room 6. Aka my room.


Toe view and nurses station. I got to keep my phone for the duration. 😀. Well, until they wheeled me back. Then it went into a bag with my glasses and was hung from my IV pole 😀


All hooked up and ready to GO!

Last text to Butch 2:03pm. First text after I woke up 3:54. Apparently I woke up quickly as they seemed shocked to come by and see me in my glasses with my phone. Ha! They were on the table close enough to reach. 😜

I did complaint about the new drug. Last time they gave me fentenol the last time. This time it was propofol. It's a much easier more coherent wake up. But no drugged sleep. I stayed awake an hour or so then passed out for majority of the way home 😴
Not too shabby

Reports are already out on the portal with pictures.




Where are all these freaking polyps coming from?

I had NO idea about the one in the cecum area. Sigh. Oh, well. They are all OUT!
Next up the big bad guy and resection.
Good news is this keeps me it's more colon.
So hopefully this will mean a normal bowel function later...I'll take it!

Oh, and I signed up for a study on these types of polyps and the treatment approaches for standard of care. So, I get a 6 month follow up on this area to see jos the treatment worked for keeping reoccurrence down. I'm already in a study fir blood tests for colon cancer and now this one. Call me guinea pig 🐹. Hey, if it keeps others from this stuff. I'm good!

Surgery date is set

Surgery will be on the 18th of August.
Pre-Op stuff on the 17th.

And I'm totally fine with that date. Would be sooner, but, meh.

Son of a.....*****beeeeeeepppppppppppp*******

FINAL DIAGNOSIS (from the pathology during last colonoscopy)
A) Colon, ascending, biopsy: Benign colonic mucosa with prominent lymphoid aggregate. 😀 good news!!

Translation: Examples of benign polyps include hyperplastic polyps (also called metaplastic polyps), lipomas (benign tumor of fat cells), neuromas (benign tumors of nerve cells), inflammatory polyps (localized inflammation) or lymphoid aggregates (a cluster of immune cells).

B) Colon, splenic flexure, biopsy: Sessile serrated polyp/adenoma. 😡😡😡😡 WTF body? Why you gotta do me this way?

Translation: Sessile serrated adenoma and traditional serrated adenomas, however, are premalignant lesions and can progress to adenocarcinoma; adenocarcinoma developing at sites of preexisting serrated polyps has been reported. Sessile serrated adenomas are the principle serrated precursor for colorectal cancer.

So...what we're REALLY doing tomorrow is removing a precancerous lesion/flat polyp. News to me. Pray for clear margins on the removal and then we're done with that part or it's a longer snippy snip. Guess it could ave been worse and been cancer already...then again..what's more cancer when you already HAVE cancer? Sigh.

C) Colon, rectosigmoid, biopsy: Adenocarcinoma. 😳 already known news - this is the big bad guy.

D) Colon, rectum, biopsy: Hyperplastic polyp. 😀 good news!!

"What's ten pounds off a whale?"

Ok Ok before y'all get mad I really do not think I'm a whale. Big gal, yes. Whale? No. BUT I had to steal the saying off my Aunt Tuny. It's perfect. 10 pounds sounds like. Lot but not when you need t lose considerably more.


So when they put me on my forced diet thought I would take before and during pictures. So the first 10lbs are off. 2 BMI points.

I should apologize for the Jammie's, but I won't. It is what it is.
Before - day 1





And after - day 14
I even wore the same Jammie's so there is a true comparison. To me, there is no difference.





Ok maybe the side view is a little slimmer, but not much.

And the diet continues.
I have to say I look happier in day 1 - hahaha. Hangry woman!

Colposcopy report

I found out that they weren't using a cute nickname fir Dr B. Her name WAS Dr Bi. Ha! Funny!

So without cuter pomp. The results are suspect...
The did biopsy and pictures in ALL of the following places


So the super suspect area is around #17 area. Now, if you WANT to see pictures I will send them to you. Let's just say it's NOT all pink and pretty.

So. I asked if that area turned out to be malignant will it change the overall game plan and the answer was no, however they may resect quit a bit more. As in resect from about #29 through #16 or higher. Still will be able to put me back together in the end (yes, punny)

The sizes remain the same 5cm on the defined malignant area already identified. And 20mm on the new area. So. It looks HUGE in the pictures, but it's not changed, it just has a "face" and a name now. Now we evict!

The scoop procedure on the 20mm one at the splenic flexure will happen on the 11th. Yes, next Tuesday. The full surgery will follow once they get the pathology from the scoop.

They wanted to schedule me for the 11th of August. When they told me the date I said yes, then had the epiphany THAT is Angela's move in date for college. I burst into tears and told them there was no way that I could do that date! That poor lady on the phone! After I calmed down down she assured me they would find another date.

What I ALSO found out is that this diet is NOT doing me any favors on the emotional forefront. It's known to cause emotional upheaval. Yeah, great, thanks doc. Insult to injury at this point!

So..there you have it. Another cleanse. Another ride to Jacksonville, BUT Butch arranged a trade with a coworker to use his house and trade for use of ours in FWB when they want. Works for me! Not happy about two plus days off work. Hoping I can get a few hours in Monday morning. The work some after hours. Time to request to borrow sick leave, I guess. Sigh. It's going I run out QUICK at this rate.

A bright spot(s) is that I get to NOT do the horrible prep. I get to do the Dulcolax/Miralax combo - YAY! No more salt water! Whoooohooooo! AND I get broth again as well as jello (possibly) the house doesn't have cooking facilities (?) suspect already! I hope it's not gross...one bathroom is pit of commission out of two. Hum...we shall see if this is a tolerable place to sleep or not!

Silver linings even with prepping 😜