What have I done????

Butch has never been home prior to a move and honestly I wish he weren’t now. Good lord his “packing” method is going to drive me to drink. Why? He has pulled EVERYTHING out. And it’s everywhere. Am I kidding? NO! There is not a single place in this house not in total upheaval. Well maybe not the potty rooms. I can not live like this!!!!

Want to see??
Brace yourself!




Living room. Yes. Shoot me now!!


Wide angle so you really get to feel the claustrophobia!!


Breakfast table


Kitchen. OK. I take blame for kitchen as those ARE my pots.


Dining room table is mostly mine too as there are kids mementos and thrift store staging. The computer is his. The rest is sales stuff and memorabilia boxes.


Angela’s room. Aka Butches office.


I’ll claim the seasonal boxes as well as Liz and I were culling. And this is what would go with us to Germany.


The back bedroom. Storage staging and odds and ends that are to be sold.


More storage and such.


Even my room is not safe.

Sigh. Shoot me now as this was my decision.

Social Media Fast

Although I'm not really a practicing Mormon at this point of my life, I was raised as such and have seen all my relatives doing the whole 7 day social media fast. I got curious as to what was said about it and why the push, so I went out and read up on it. It makes sense. It made me evaluate my use of social media... but here's the thing. In April I moved to a new job. A job where my phone is locked in a cubby outside of my actual work area... it sits all day in a cubby in the atrium of my building. EEEEKKKK, right?

What I learned from that move was that, yes, the first day or two I missed the ease of grabbing my phone and zipping a text to a kid. What I also learned is that there are MANY more ways to work this. I learned to forward my phone to my office number so that if calls came to my cell during the day I wouldn't miss them. I would just get them in my office where I could address whatever it was - be it a medical reminder or a pest control re-scheduling. Problem 1 solved.

Problem 2 was contact with kids... although my kids are older and sort of self-sufficient, I did find that I missed some of the contact I would have with them on occasions during the day. At first I would log into Facebook at work and NOT surf it, but open the Instant Message option so I could Text to Angela as needed during the day. This only lasted about the first month, then I discovered that she wasn't in need of constant contact and was just fine out there on her own... yay for adulting!! AND if she really needed me she would call my phone and wala, it would transfer to my work phone and as long as I wasn't in a meeting, I was getting her calls as they came in - case in point, she called yesterday, so I chatted with her for a bit and we solved the problems of the day and went on.

The OTHER way I can cheat on that is that Liz works on base and I can IM her any time I want... not that she responds as much as she has a much more stressful job than I do working in finance... and she's a decidcated little worker! BUT if we need to chat, we have that option.

So, did I go on a total fast? Nope, but I did learn that I can function just fine with just checking things at night and doing a quick run down on the world. Do I find I compare myself to others on social media? I don't really think so. I use it as a tool... when I had questions about health things and issues with cancer, stomas, reversals, and the like I would reach out to my communities on facebook (for those of you who every have to face colon/rectal cancer "ColonTown" is the BEST resource for ANY question you may have - not kidding ANY question). I don't know that I would compare myself to those in there and feel like I wasn't where I needed to be, but rather I would take comfort from knowing that I wasn't alone in feeling what I was feeling or experiencing what I was experiencing, and in a weird way I was happy to give others hope when I was having an easier time with one area or the other... to let others know that although, yeah, this experience sucks, not all outcomes are horrible, and there is hope that things can work out OK. I guess I have turned into (always been?) a glass half full gal. I have seen silver linings in most of the things that have happened to date in my life.

Anyway... are there times I look at other things out there and think ... "oh, how I wish I could do/experience/have that?" Sure. Is it short lived? Yeah... with exception of Gails tallent with scrapbooking and cards - ha! Love you Gail!!

So, that's my 2 cents on the whole thoughts of life lately...

Colonoscopy 1year followup

First colonoscopy after cancer/LAR/reversal. Are they always like this? Good heavens! I thought I was done at midnight. Nope. 2am accident. Clean up (wearing pad always) wear Depends a climb back into bed.

Up at 5. And it’s now no longer clear!!! WTF??? I go in anyway as they are removing the port. I have an accident on the way to hospital. Shoot over the back of the Depends. Ruin pants. Have spare and undies/pads in car. No biggie. Change. Do it again in a run to the potty. Ruin everything AGAIN. Yeah. No more spares. Good news I sits clear again!

Head to floor. Get gown asked for an adult diaper. They have none. Really? A hospital without Depends?? OK. They’re aware of my “issue”. They give me pads for the chair.


Still smiling after the issues. Shit happens more that typical my my life - ha!

I make it to the potty a few times until they give me a bag of liquids. Yeah. Activated everything AGAIN. I go to stand to get on gurney and KNOW I’ll never make it to the potty. So I sit in the pad and just do what I’m going to. Sigh. Need a new gown now too!! BUT it was better than leaving a trail to the potty.


Say bye bye port!!

I make it all the way through surgery and colonoscopy and wear a lovely hospital gown home. Yep. I’m out of clothing at this point.


Don’t I look thrilled to be riding in the car in a gown? LOL. Guess I should have smiled, eh?


Not that you can see the port is gone but it is!!

At home I climb into bed to nap as it was not enough sleep last night. Wake up to a HUGE accident. Through a Depends sheets comforter everything. Good grief!!! Is it always like this now?? I have never had these issues before. Am I doomed to have these types of issues forever on these?? Here’s hoping not!!

Scrapbook retreat

And I was OFF to SLC to join Janet and Gail for another fun weekend of scrapping!!


The flight was the roughest I have been on in a while! They sat the crew down for most of the flight it was so rough!

Later that evening!


This retreat was very different than any other we have been to. Very un structured and free for all and I LOVED it!


The first night was mini cards. They gave you the pack and instructions and turned you lose. We were free to chat and visit and just enjoy our time. We worked on the cards and if we had questions there was a sample set on a easel in the front of the room or the gals would come by and help you. Very stress free. We could then work on anything you wanted to that you brought. Well, I brought NOTHING. Yep. Well to my defense I have been culling and working on the house to downsize so I really didn’t have scrapbooking on my mind. Heck I didn’t pack until the night before. Really. Even supplies. Yeah. Not a good planner - ha!!


BUT Gail to the rescue with her cute Kiwi Lane card packs she had with her!! I had a GREAT time using the templates and enjoyed scrapping with them.





One of the cute projects we had was a set of pumpkins. I only put one together as I was going to have to fly home with this stuff and didn’t want to try and figure out how to mush them all down and Un-mush them when I got home! They’re cute!!


More cards!!





Two page layout that was super cute!


I got to see Tiffany and Noah on Friday night. With NO pictures on my phone dang it! I did get pictures but none are on here. I’ll have to get them from Janet!!

We had a nice dinner and got to visit a bit.



Saturday a dear friend from Georgia came down from Ogden to see me. She had transferred to the Pentagon some years back and we kept in touch through her moves. She had just recently moved to a new job in Ogden and it was the perfect time to meet up and chat for a bit. I really enjoyed the short time we had together and our visit!

Next up was Britnee and Eric and the kids. They came down. No pictures. It was a GREAT but short visit with them. Got hugs and off we went again!!

Gail and I drove over to see Nick and Kaylee and family. It was Logan’s 2nd birthday party! Cute! He is such a happy boy.


We also got to see Mike, Linda, Bernice and Gayla while we popped in for a short visit. Then off again to SLC to meet back up with Robert and his crew!

Jessica and Scarlett came out.


Mandy, Kolton and Onyx came out as well. They were sure cute babies.


Sarah was also there. It was a great time visiting with family!!

Again there ARE pictures. Just not on my phone!! I was busy hugging on babies and visiting!

And with that another great scrapbooking retreat and whirlwind visit back to de family was done!


I’m excited to go back in December to see everyone again for Christmas!!

Catching up. Pottery

About 9 weeks ago I started a NEW pottery class. This time it was hand building. It was not quite as fun as the wheel class, but very informative in different techniques.

Here is some of the work.


This was actually one of the later pieces as it took a full two weeks to complete. I joke that this is “fat bastard” as it started out so much smaller on the base but because I have a horrible tendency to go WAY too thin on my walls (both in wheel and hand building) it collapsed on itself and widened quite a bit. Like double the width it was to be originally! Oh well it turned out well. The technique is sgraffito. You underglaze with black then remove what you want to make the pattern.


I added flowers to the ends and sides as well.





This is the 2nd thing we made. Not sure I’m happy with this one but it is what it is.


Took a few minutes to make this for giggles.


Here is a collection of pots from wheel and hand making. I took the time to glaze my pieces from wheel as I wasn’t too thrilled with the unglazed pieces. They felt chalky to me. So they all stuck around for some glaze :)


My first works. Poppies that are incense holders.


A mug. With stamped designs.


Another that was done with a literal stamp after. We shall see how this one turns out. Not sure I’m thrilled with it.

Ok here are the ones from wheel after the firing.



The crew!


My two favorites!


This was done by rolling the pot in paint chips they had laying around. LOVED it!!


Love my eyeball. ;)

Wildlife...

One of these things is not like the other
One of these things doesn’t belong

Damn wasp got me good right on the pinky knuckle at work.

Labor Day Weekend 2018

 Heading into the storm!  I even turned to Butch and asked if we should just turn around and go home!  Scary looking clouds with LOTS of rain!

We made it through the other side to a beautiful sunset!

Then, no rest for the wicked...Butch wanted to work. I have got to train him on what a vacation means!  Sigh. 

 Sweeping off the roof.

 Smile!

Sunday we went to walk the beach at sunset. The sunset was short lived due to the clouds, but pretty while it lasted!

Lots of waves coming in thanks to the tropical storm coming in!

 Love be the waves on my legs and had it not been a holiday weekend I would have insisted we go for the afternoon to swim and relax on the beach.

Flowers and planting plans

This is my first year with dahlias. 

I’m learning where not to plant them, however this one is quite happy so I’ll plant the other survivors on this same hill in the fall!  Only half of my petunias survived the heat this summer, but the ones who made it are gorgeous.  

My Elephant ears are monsters and I believe I’ll separate them out this fall and move some to the north bed as late summer growth as that side is liking puny and is too wet for most plants.

 I think I’ll also separate my amaryllis I have in the south bed and add some of the ones dad is giving me to the north bed as well. They make beautiful spring color then the elephant ears come up and it’s green all summer. 

I also need to separate my day lilies  

Adventures in neuropathy

So as some of you know I did get some neuropathy from the chemo.  Not as bad as some, but bad enough that I have been experimenting with treatments.  I had some limited numbness in my fingers during the end of treatment and through January/February, however, it still remains in my feet.  It got really scary there a few months after treatment stopped that I started noticing it more up the insides of my legs on my calves.  I did have some thoughts that it was due to me being more active and dressing in REAL clothing again where I had been in jammies and sweats for months!

 

What does it feel like?  Well, it's hard to describe.  My toes feel like they are ice cold all the times... sometimes this feels like they are simply cold, sometimes it's like a slight burning cold as in edging on frostbite type of cold.  BUT you physically feel them and they feel fine... nice and toasty.  In addition to this lovely "chill" they are numb, but not totally numb... it's like there is a few layers of latex gloves over them... so I can feel, but not really well.  I feel pressure and I do feel tickles, but at a distance.  And yet, saying this they are super sensitive as well, I can feel every grain of dirt on a floor.... but still can't feel the sticker stuck to the bottom of my foot.  Weird contradiction in feelings, isn't it?  Yeah, I have a hard time wrapping my head around it too... I think, "How on earth can I feel all the GRIT and not the sticker?"  Yeah.  Weird.

 

What have I tried so far? 

1.       Gabapentin.  Possible side effects:

a.       Common side effects: ataxia (unsteady gait), dizziness, drowsiness, fatigue, fever, nystagmus (twitchy eye movement), sedated state, and viral infection. Other side effects include: blurred vision, diplopia (double vision), peripheral edema (swelling), tremor, amblyopia (lazy eye), irritability, and xerostomia (dry mouth).

b.      Negative side effects: After a month I had kankles, as in hugely swollen ankles... and that was a known side effect, so I opted to stop that treatment as an option... swelling of the extremities isn't something I would take lightly.

c.       Positive side effects:  Well, it really did resolve quite a bit of the numbness in the calves and did wake the toes up a bit more.  I didn’t experience any of the common side effects listed with the exception of the above mentioned negative, thus why I discontinued this treatment and wanted to seek others

2.       Henna.  Henna?  Yes, as in the paste you put on your feet to make it a temporary tattoo look, henna.

a.       Common Side effects: darkened skin – duh.  I’m laughing here.

b.      Negative side effects:  No true negative side effects are experienced

c.       Positive side effects:   Limited response.  I think it really just gets into the pours and blocks some of the more sensitive feelings you get... but it didn’t' help the numbness or glove wearing feeling. 

3.       Wanted to try acupuncture as it’s covered by my insurance but there are no providers in my local commute and I’m NOT paying $250 per session, thanks, so back to drugs!

4.       Cymbalta.    

a.       Common side effects: asthenia (weakness), constipation, diarrhea, dizziness, drowsiness, fatigue, hypersomnia (daytime sleepiness), insomnia, nausea, sedated state, headache, and xerostomia (dry mouth). Other side effects include: agitation, erectile dysfunction, nervousness, psychomotor agitation, tension, vomiting, abdominal pain, anorexia, decreased appetite, decreased libido, hyperhidrosis (extreme sweating), loss of libido, and restlessness

b.      Negative side effects: I'm feeling a LOT of the side effects from this one that are a bit more concerning, but they state these should wear off after the first week or so... the first morning I got up and almost ran into the TV, then the wall... yeah, super wobbly and not steady at all and this was a full 12 hours after taking it.  AND the sleeping difficulties are truly a bear.  First night I woke up at 4:30am and found it hard to go back to sleep... this from the girl that takes MULTIPLE alarms to actually GET me out of bed, I have been out of bed and at work an average of ½ hour early for the duration of taking this drug…. Really – weird.  Night two woke at 1:30 and had that feeling of never really going back to sleep, but knew I must have, so I’m sleeping, it’s just restless and broken.  Last night was no exception – 4 hours in and *ping* awake and finding it hard to drift back off.  Finally looked at the clock.  1:30am.  Nope, nope, nope… I do feel like I really did go back to sleep for a few more hours last night.  The other thing is DRY MOUTH.  Good lord.  Yep, it’s there… always have a dry mouth feeling – like after surgery can’t get saliva going if they paid you type of dry mouth.  But I drink more tea in the morning and water during the afternoon, so I should be fine.  I can’t decide if I have constipation or diarrhea at this point.  The first night I had multiple poopcidents in Target (yeah, it was a “fun” shopping trip) then had more issues the next night with running to the potty… it may have been the very same night, who know… but thinking not as I was wearing a shift on the night that I was pausing TV shows constantly to run to the potty (yeah, memory like a steel sieve).  Anyway that indicates I was in the pool prior J  I didn’t do Target and Pool in the same day.  Sort of mystery solved.  So… still working out which this is as yesterday I just felt constipated and didn’t go all day long, which at this stage in recovery shouldn’t be surprising to me as my bowel movements are still all over the place where I’m either purging in a day and holding for two/three and repeat.  So… this one is up for debate still.  I also feel a little “jumpy” twitchy… but not where I can’t control it.  I definitely feel a bit “high” at times, but hoping these will pass as time goes and my body adjusts to the drug.

c.       Positive side effects:  Well, I'm on day three and so far the reaction on day 1 was shockingly GREAT.  I can really FEEL my toes, they don't feel quite as muted.   There are still a few spots that are "off" like the crooks under the toes on the bottom... they are a bit numb, but the rest are actually feeling more like toes.  That high feeling may need to be here as well on occasion... ha!

 

So, other than the dry mouth, jitters and sleeping issues, life is good.  Fewer Poopcidents.  I think that this Target one was the first in at least three weeks or more.  I even had a beer Monday and didn’t have any bowel reactions until Tuesday.  So, I can’t blame the beer for that one!  

 

All in all, I can’t complain. 

 

I went to the new colorectal doctor here locally.  We had a very nice LONG discussion about my cancer and what lead me to go to Mayo.  The question was did I know he was here.  NOPE.  And I was blatantly honest about why I didn’t stay local – aka I asked for a 2^nd opinion and was treated like a leper and I basically left… I was never offered a more experienced surgeon here in the local area, none were mentioned and the doc I went to was an ass. 

 

So… I like the new doctor although he told me some things that really worried me.  He informed me that I had in essence two different cancers in my colon.  One in the colon that was the pre-cancerous that was so VERY close to being full blown cancer and the true already formed one.  The pre-cancerous one concerned him as it was one that would have spread as it wasn’t well defined and was ready to strike out to places unknown.  These statements along with the concern about the polyp removed from the Cecum area make me KNOW I’m glad I did the chemo now.  All problems associated with it or not. 

 

So I am just a cancerous person… basal cell, colon, and lots of variety in the colon to boot.  Odds of this are probably better than the Lottery jackpot.  Yeah, not the lottery you want to hit, eh?  Me either.  I should be in a panic, I should be scared shitless at this point, but really?  Is there anything I can DO about it now?  Nope… not yet… just be vigilant and watch.  Follow doctors’ orders and do as I’m told get screened when I’m told and hope for the best!