Two flights and a funeral

 I had been out to see dad and mom in the 28th of April. At that time dad was walking slowly between his chair and the bathroom. But he was up and walking and doing OK. What a difference three weeks and a few days can be! 

I had talked to Linda about me going to Utah while she was out of town. I talked to mom. I talked to Linda. It was decided that weekends are the worst time for support and Robert was going to be there over the weekend, so I wasn’t going. I should have gone early!

Sunday came around and the decision was made for me to come out to Utah to help out Monday the 23rd of May. The difference in his mobility was shocking. He was no longer doing a lot for himself. He was no longer sitting up in a chair but reclined in a bed and sleeping a lot. He was not longer truly “there” fully. He was to some degree but he had some trouble recognizing me. I was Linda at one point. Good enough, I was family and a kid. I was a man at one point, I blame the angle he was seeing me from :). He did know me as Donna-Phoo for the most part. He repeats over and over how much he loved each of us. Especially mom. He would always ask where she was. Until the end he was a loving man. Always an “I love you”. 

That week was actually a good time. Dad was still drinking but very little. Just sips of water and juice and wasn’t eating much. Dad was definitely deteriorating but still somewhat lucid and talkative when he was awake.  It was a good break for mom in that she felt comfortable leaving dad with Robert while she and I could go out to lunch or go out to the store. 

So why the move to the bed?  Well his mobility has declined to the point he was getting stuck going to the bathroom. He would get part of the way there then he would ticket out and have to sit. Mind you it’s ten steps max to the bathroom from his chair. He wasn’t able to get up from the breakfast table either.  Then the kicker was his chair had broken pressing the need even more for his move to the bed. As he was losing mobility he was going to need more and more care from nurses to get his briefs changed, so the bed was the best option. Changing him In the chair wasn’t an option (less so when the chair broke!) and getting him to the bathroom was problematic as well, so to the bed was the next step. Poor dad. I’m hoping this has motivated me to get out and moving more!!

Dad was doing well. We kids and mom had frank talks with hospice and knew that he was on the decline. The estimate was weeks. He was really doing OK. So I kept my flight plans the next weekend to go to Florida to help Sally with a few things and re-screen out little house 

Gas prices in Utah were pretty high. 

I flew into Fort Walton directly. So that was nice. I flew in on Saturday.  

Storms rolling in 

Assembly line

Thirteen screens. Four short ones and nine tall ones. All our back together. 

One window with and one without. We got higher visibility screens. 

All done!!

Sunday we all got a message from Linda that dad had forgotten how to sip from a straw. That was quick. Then Monday came the message that if we wanted to see dad sooner rather than later was advised. This just followed a reconfirmation of weeks. So it sure did change back and forth quickly. We all knew we weren’t promised a specific timeline. There were no guarantees on estimations from nurses. I was at peace with my decision to not rush right back. 

I took deep breaths and thought “ok I’ll go back on Thursday” because that was when Butch was going to be headed out.  Literally the next day he was rattling. And within 24 hours he was gone. It was expected, but unexpected, you know?  I couldn’t have made it out before he passed regardless. We heard he was rattling that morning and by 11:30 I got the news that dad was gone. I was working in the yard. Cried. Took a shower, cried in the shower. Went on with life. Got a few more things done before heading out the next day to Utah. 

Beautiful clouds on the way there but horrible flight connections (or lack there of) I ended up in Las Vegas with a rental car again. It all worked out. It was good to have all the kids there at Linda’s to be there for mom and talk through all the plans and make arrangements. We had lots of laughs talking about the past and remembering dad. 

We even took a drive. 

Lions head petroglyphs and a random beautiful flowering cactus on the way out. There were SO many flowers out and about!!

Butch and the girls were able to fly out to Provo for the funeral. It was great but I was still alone because I had Covid. I tested when they got there as I had started feeling stuffy the night prior. I was highly positive for Covid (e.g. the line was immediate and bright!!) so they opted to stay in a different room than me at the hotel. I get it, but it made for a lonely time for me!! 

The funeral was beautifully done. 

Table of memories. This is at Linda’s before we were quite done. It was spread on two tables but I think represented dad well. 

We talked about dad having had blue recliners for as long as we can remember so a blue casket is fitting. It really is pretty. 

Dad served in the Navy so his honor guard was Navy

Kids and mom 

Grandkids

All this AND three cases if Covid.  Yep. Mom, Linda and I have Covid. Mom and I were super positive. Linda was a light line of positive. So we masked up and stayed away from everyone for the most part. We took out masks off for the graveside picture. 

Robert was sweet enough to host me until I passed the quarantine period and caught a flight home. I was a good girl and stayed masked the entire flight. I didn’t exhale when I took a drink. Just dipped my mask, took a drink and replaced immediately. 

It was a rough three weeks to day the least. 

Flowers for the funeral. They we’re very pretty. There was two other arrangements and a plant