Thoughts and random brain misfires

Yeah, maybe it's good that I didn't get that email at home and post it right
to the blog. It was a rambling mess... so speaking of rambling mess, my
thought processes are ALL over the place.

I was asked "when you had the bleed did you immediately think Cancer?" I
got to thinking... I mean really thinking because honestly - I was super
rattled and freaking out, but mostly because I was bleeding from an uncommon
orifice for me.... But did my mind go directly to cancer? Really - no. My
thoughts were along the lines of

* Well, Dad has diverticula and he had one that actually ruptured
and encapsulated... maybe that is what I have a diverticula that has
ruptured and is bleeding



What I really need is a flow chart for this honestly - it's a convoluted
mess from here... so here goes...

* I look up on the internet and see the following: Back pain and
rectal bleeding can be caused by numerous medical conditions including anal
fissures, hemorrhoids, IBS (irritable bowel syndrome), polyps,
diverticulitis, intestinal vascular issues and colon cancer.

* OK, maybe I have a hemorrhoid that I was never aware of...

* But there, see that diverticulitis ... yeah, I'm pretty sure with
the commonalities

* I had bouts of back pain, but have always had fleeting thoughts of
kidneys and kidney stones...

o Sibling has mentioned lowered kidney function

o I am always told during urine collections mine is low, so yeah, that is
probably it...

o Then the pain goes away and so does the thought

o Maybe it was just back strain instead - I do bend over to plant in the
yard a lot

* OK, let's look up cancer symptoms.... Search What are the symptoms
of colon cancer in women?

o Blood in stool - nope, nice color most of the time

o diarrhea or constipation - well, sometimes, but not anything that diet
can't explain in my mind

o anemia - that's been an issue on me on and off my life

o weight loss - bwahahahaha - yeah, right, I should BE so lucky right
(yeah, STILL PISSED about that!)

o fatigue - who ISNT tired? But, hey, nothing out of the ordinary - I
view this is crawl into bed when you get home, or stop daily activities...
yeah, not happening

o abdominal pain - NERP...

* OK, that's probably not it...

* Hum... OK, back to the Zen mode I have for my boobs (for those
that aren't aware they are poked and prodded every 6 months and have been
for YEARS!)

* So I'm back to diverticulitis as my main suspect

So, blow me over with a feather when they say the words malignant, tumor,
cancer, chemo, radiation



I mean, really? REALLY???

So, my thoughts are how on EARTH did I miss this one???

NOW we start with the poop talk. It's funny because another gal who does
lunch with me is having bowel issues and has been bleeding for
WEEKS..eeeeeeekkkkkkk! After MY issue and the fact I was seen within a
week, She was MAD. Rightly so - she still hasn't had her colposcopy to find
out what is going on with hers! So, I'm sure I didn't help her stay calm -
sorry P if you're reading this!!!! I encouraged her to press, press, press
because I didn't think twice about mine either and am so glad that I pressed
to know NOW. AND I'm so grateful to have two insurances to give me the
leverage to say "nope, not waiting" and going ahead and getting it done.



Then this morning I'm griping about the stupid email at work not working and
not sending my freaking email to the house last night.... Then getting to
work and it's still on my screen - geeze. Then I go down another bunny
trail of thoughts.... Been talking with K (sorry you're referenced here Miss
K) about her symptoms and such with her chemo and chemo brain and thinking,
shoot, if THAT is what I have to look forward to and I SUCK with memory
anyway, this is gonna be very, very interesting on what I'll remember from
here on out! If I can't remember to hit send (again, can I justify this
with the news that our email at work really IS jacked up and you have to hit
send twice, sometimes three times (likely story, right??))...



Well, this will all prove interesting... and THIS is why I sort of shut down
last night and watched a movie and just chilled.

Update

I spent the day on and off writing a update, then mailed it to myself only to discover the base email is seriously jacked up. The email never got here....

So the brief highlights.
My bedside manner sucks as bad as Butch's. I blurted out cancer to the girls like it's no big deal. Hopefully they buy that...but they're not dumb...I'm sure they get I'll be sick a while.

My odds are looking 100% good in my mind. CT and x-ray on the 5th from the initial bleed are all clear (read the results myself today!)

I went to work Wednesday and cried most of the day. Not sure what my coworkers think as they were busy putting out fires while I was scrambling for appointments and calling drs offices and crying some more.

I got an appointment with Mayo Clinic in a Jacksonville on the 21st.

I called my docs nurses line and ended up getting my appointment moved up from next Tuesday to today. Pays to cry at times.

I survived the first day at work in one piece! Yay.

Today I did the follow up. I heard condescension. Butch just heard brusk and to the point. Hate to break it to him, it's all about me right now. I rule this one. He didn't like his approach and lack of experience- he's general surgeon, not specialized. Either way, he's out. I'm sure he's fine for general surgery, but that isn't what I need.

So, Mr C (need to name this thing) is round, 5cm long, circumferential (see? Use words like that and I think you're a show off condescending butt!! Say "rounded") and eroded on one side. I recorded the meeting so I can review later. There are NO pictures. Yeah, waiting for the WTF that I think both Butch and I had at that. I thought they all recorded the procedures. Again, one more "nope" vote.

So far we have:
Eroded = bad
Location = good
size = bad
neighborhood not showing signs of equal rebellion ='good.
Jury is still out until we remove and then we get to figure out stage with 100% accuracy.

The next step is MRI. I'm going to call Mayo tomorrow to see if I can get it done there...it just makes more sense. This Docs office is saying I have to wait for insurance approval to schedule. I think that's bunk...but I'll call tomorrow to ask. Quite frankly today I was just got too tired to do more than work...and do a little research.

I made it through most of the Drs meeting and only cried once. Just hit my limit for a second. Doc did the wrong thing in my books by not stopping but immediately turning to Butch to continue the discussion. (Tires screeching and me flipping the bird!!) Oh HELL NO, it's NOT his body we're discussing here..it's mine. Yeah, I have control (....and anger issues at the moment, wouldn't you??)

And with that, I took the afternoon after work to get copies of my CT scan and records then came home and watched a movie...I needed to just "not" tonight. I'll jump in tomorrow

And on the home front, Liz had a fender bender. Not her fault a lady turned left right into her path! Shook her up as she didn't have her license with her AND she was in my car (insert wailing and gnashing of teeth!)






You can see the fenders rolled under. Poor Reba!!!
She'll get fixed soon. I went to drop her off thinking this is the ONE thing I have control over fixing....yeah, thanks karma. I have to wait for the other ladies insurance.

What do I know so far?

I came out of my procedure quite nicely. I was happy, comfortable. Just sleepy. So I slept...they then got me dressed and in my way. I don't see the doctor. I was wheeled out to the car.....waiting by the curb. Still pretty druggy, groggy.

Butch said three polyps and cancer. Ok, waiting for you to say "kidding". Nope, no comments of kidding...but the doc didn't biopsy it. What the??? How can you say the words malignant and cancer without a biopsy to confirm?? Ok you're either that good or it was that big and ugly. Sigh.

Home, coffee on the porch. Still bugging me he didn't take a biopsy and nothing about what's next. They talked radiation and chemo to him in the hospital...but nothing to me and frankly I don't want to wait until next Tuesday for this future discussion on what's next.

I don't have a clue how a doc can say I have malignant cancer without a biopsy...but I'm sure he's seen enough to know by size/shape/etc but still, not confident I have the full story as I don't talk to the doc :/ it's all hearsay so far.

My husband has zero bedside manner for this as he just blurted it out to a drug addled person who was still wondering when the "just kidding" was coming

As I came out of the drugs more I still question why they didn't biopsy that tumor...maybe they did and Butch miss heard?? Why the hell no biopsy?.

So happy wait....and bleed a bit more today thanks to polyp snips. Ewh!


The lighter side they gave me such a hard time in the room because I was saying I tried an enema, but never again. I was telling them someone should put pictures out there if what is normal ranges of colors textures in the toilet. I mean really. Give a girl more to go on. No pun intend. But really. I did need Some hints. I found them today of all times!

The nurses and I were laughing about the Easter egg hunt I had with monitor leads while in the ER...I found THREE more when I got home even AFTER I lifted my boobs and had Bitch look there were two hiding under the left breast AND one on my chest. After this discussion the nurse said she would leave me an Easter egg hunt for later....and I may need to check between my butt cheeks. I was dying....maybe I should check again all over? LOL

Colon prep...

Ok I like this Drs prep. Two Dulcolax (pills) then 64 oz of Miralax (Liquid) followed with two last pills at or before 4pm. Here we go (pun intended!)!!. Why would I say I like this already? There is NO taste to Miralax!! That other stuff is gaggy!!!

Also, blood work done. I drove over there and sat outside waiting fir them to open at 8. We got in at 7:45 and out by 7:50. Sweet!!

Maybe I don't like this...it's not working. It's now 12:30pm and no poop in sight. Sad when you're now HOPING for raging diarrhea.... I took two MORE Dulcolax. Maybe that will get me going? I'm down to less than half of the Miralax left to take. Good news is that it still tastes great 😜 small favor of it doesn't start working!!! 😳.

Well, lets add a popsicle to the mix and see if that moves things along..... nope.

3pm called the hospital asked fir a later schedule. 6:15 is the latest. Really?? Hum. This may be an issue.

Got off the phone and had a slight poo. Yay?

Downed the remainder of the Miralax...took FOUR Dulcolax - we ain't playing any more!! Had to have the completed by 4pm. Mission accomplished. Let's see if my body will get on board.

I DO. NOT. WANT. TO. DO. THIS. PREP. AGAIN!!

5pm. OK sad to say that the needed reaction is happening. Now to hydrate the heck out of myself and pray this works. We're movin now! Ugh!!

11pm. Still not clear...sh*t. No, really I need to be over this. Broke down. Sent the oldest fr an enema. Yeah, first and LAST of those, thank you very much.

12:30. Kill me now. This had better be clear e-friggin nuff. I'm going to bed.

6:15 show time tomorrow and I'm the LAST one to go in. Yeah me. The good news? It will all be over but the crying tomorrow. I may have to do a two day prep next time. Sucks!!!

Medical referrals, Dr's offices and such - aka following rules is for chumps!

OK, so the "incident" from Monday ... The REST of the story....

I called and got an appointment with the Colorectal Center here in town

They first said I would have to have a referral from my primary care doctor... OK, so that would be Dr. X. Well, I haven't been to see Dr. X since 2014. Found that out when the Colorectal Center called back (should I just call them Buttheads?) and told me that I could NOT come see them because I needed that referral. Hum... why? Can't I just self-refer? Oh, yeah, you can do that... OK, I tell the primary doc's - let's do that, and I will STILL make an appointment to See Dr. X just because - well, to be honest, I didn't know it had been THAT long since I had seen him... but yeah, it's time. I'll come in, get the work up done.

I go to Dr. X and sign a paperwork release form to allow them to give my paperwork to the Buttheads. I make an appointment with the Buttheads for Wednesday. Ok? OK.

Tuesday I get a call from the Buttheads telling me they are cancelling my appointment with them BECAUSE I made an appointment with Dr. X. WTH???? I gave up the fight right then and there... I just said "fine"... click. I tell a few girlfriends at work here and tell them what is going on. One tells me to go to Dr. H - they have a nice office, etc, etc, etc. They are very nice. Hum... OK. I also took a page from her book also and ask "WHY" to Dr. X's office ... and tell them, really all I'm trying to do is get paperwork from Hospital to Buttheads at this point. Hum... so when I ask them "Why" they tell me "liability". The more I think about that - LIABILITY for WHAT??? For sending me to get a colonoscopy that I WILL need regardless of what your little paperwork trail tells you I need and what order I have to do it in so that every friggin' doc gets a piece of the insurance money?? So I ask them point blank "so I need to just GO to the hospital and get the paperwork sent to the Buttheads office then?" Yep. Little did she know that Buttheads are no longer EVER getting my insurance money after turning me away, thank you very much!

So as I'm talking to that office I'm already driving to Dr. H's office anyway. I walk in and let me tell you the dark clouds lifted!! Their office was very understanding. I told them exactly what happened... that I was in the ER, had this go on, nope, never had a colonoscopy done in the past... yep, over 50... yep, need one anyway, so let's get this show on the road. They make an appointment with me for the VERY next day!

So this morning I go in, get everything scheduled and meet Dr. H. He basically told me what he was going to do - basically - he's not going in looking for trouble as likely whatever trouble was there has resolved... and if it was something else, well, he'll find it on the regular colonoscopy anyway. Yep, I'm TOTALLY fine with that as I don't have any other symptoms... and even if I feel weird right now I question if it's just me being weird because I know I bled pretty good there for a day... so unless I'm bleeding anymore at all or really in pain like cramping pain... I'm going to consider any twinge as an "you're imagining that because you're concentrating on that end" twinge.... and I get my lovely colonoscopy on Tuesday.

NOW to add insult to injury, I also have bloodwork on Monday morning....yeah, fasting bloodwork. Yep, I see the wheels in your brain turning now...that means... you won't eat anything from midnight Sunday night through Tuesday sometime.... yeppers... But, hey, who is up at 8am eating a 4 course breakfast anyway? I'll just get a jump start on the "cleanse" efforts. Yeah me.... NOT.

So there you have it... I'm going to be a medical pin cushion for a while here.. also getting my 6ht month mammogram follow up tomorrow afternoon - I'm adding insult to injury on that one as I'm switching to the Pavilion as they have that new mammogram machine... then I review the orders and they are listed as ultrasounds on both side with mammogram if required... pretty sure with going to the new place I'll get the mammogram as well...but that's OK too as it has a lot more details and is 3d and "better" than the older ones. So - by now I have been scanned from almost top to bottom.

And it's official...

My butthole has fallen out before Butches.

What's that you say? TMI?

Well, read no further then 'cause it's on a get graphic!

I go to work this morning dreading the whole Monday routine...little did I know hat was in store. Sunday we had gone to he movies and enjoyed popcorn immensely. (Read into that tubs two tubs for three bodies)

I had a bit of a rumble in the tummy so made a quick walk to the potty thinking al that fiber was coming back to haunt me. Yep, it was. I sit down and glance down to bright RED BLOOD in my undies. Now folks, I have not seen this sight since 2007, so saying this was a shock puts things mildly. I did some "checking" and yep, not the vjayjay, the rectum. What the????? Nope, nope, nope this does NO HAPPEN! Stand up and enough blood is in the toilet I'm now officially in a panic.

So, I walk back into the office, tell my cube neighbor a cryptic "I gotta go, I may no b back" and off I go to the ER. Breathing the whole way repeating, "it's nothing, really, it's nothing". Telling my brain that NO, you may nit turn around and go back to work like nothing is wrong. I text my boss that I have a "bit of a medical concern", and that I was leaving nothing more. I call Butch, tell him the skinny in a message (yeah, he was getting ready for work, so hadn't answered).

And there I sat all day. I got an IV, EKG, chest x-ray, CT-scan and butt-swab (only thing they really did butt related)...however nothing conclusive, but also nothing they could see to cause them concern. Hum, Ok. Yeah, you guys say it happens all the time, but not to ME, thanks.

Also heard the code Blue in the CT room after I got back, and a lockdown situation. A man was brought in by his wife after another man shot him fun times at the ER eh? I should have left my door open 😜

So all that and I'm told to follow up with my primary care provider uhm, that I haven't been to in three years 😎 whoops! What can I say? I'm pretty darn healthy fir the most part. I self referred myself for my long overdue colonoscopy - ya think? I even tossed in my 50 year checkup....yeah, yeah, I know...I'm not 50 yet - heeheehee

Graduation weekend

Davids decked out in an impromptu mortar board





The ONLY shot I have of the graduate. It will be clear later why..


Angela is JUST coming in the door. The gal behind her was tall :)


She's to the right of the screen!


There she goes!!


Just coming on the stage!!


And it's official!


This is the reality of where we were sitting.


And THIS is why there are no pictures after the event. No sooner than we figured out where she was the lights were turned OUT at the fairgrounds. Yeah, nice, really nice. Sigh. Oh, well, we will have pictures taken of the girls after the fact.

THIS is what happens when my phone is left unattended!








And a nice dinner with the folks followed by ice-cream cake :) apparent,y reading is good. It was frozen solid! How many people does it take to cut a cake?








Apparently three 😳


Everyone eagerly awaiting cake!!


We fit EVERYTHING we could celebrate over the last three weeks and future week into one cake.


Still snuggling up to her sister 😜

Summer flowers

Early morning gardening. Put my three new plants in the ground finally. Blanket flower is the daisy looking one. The small blue flower is lithodoro (?) pretty blue however :). My lemon is potted and on the deck. My purple iris s in bloom along with the butterfly bush! I even transplanted a few wandering day lillies that were starting to get out of the beds they're planted in.












Even the mail box lilies are blooming

Graduation day two

3000 students!!


Where is Liz?


We used the trash can as reference :)


See that blonde hair just below the trash can? About two seats in? Yep, that's her!


Selfie!





And more!


Look she's right next to the podium!


And in the big screen! Go Lizzie!











Proud graduate! Gotta love her!

Liz - graduation

Day one. Cinco de Mayo
Of 3,37X students only 78 were Honors graduates. Lizzie was one of those 78!

Smartie pants!





Next in line!


Dr. Steven Engel, Director, presenting Liz with her Honors metal.

















Dr. Steven Engel with Liz and Sally


The whole gang. (Angela was late arriving and missed the program!)


Dr. Francis Desiderio, Associate Director

Poor Angela missed the event due to getting out of school late. She has to drive out in her own after we got here. Once she arrived we headed out t dinner - her choice.

Where did she choose?


Ok so it really is rated the best





Still no proof that Angie was here as she ditched the photo, but really. She's here too ;)


Great food and a great night. Left Angela with Liz and Sally and Bitch and I headed to the hotel for the night!!

Tomorrow will be an early one with a 9am start!!! Pray for no rain as it's outside!!