Morning at the beach

Up before sunrise. Hour drive north to Amelia Island. Why? To have a wooden pier. Ok. I'll bite.














It's dark out here!! Sea shells underfoot.











Butch was dedicated. Came and set up... took timed photos.


Me!? I set up too. I got a blanket and a coffee with my last shake because as of 8am I am on clear liquids. So - one last shake before it starts.





Selfie!! I had fun wandering the beach. I'm in some old mans photos or movie. Hahahaha. I at least did a dance past the camera :)


Toes in the water and the sand. Ahhhhh











There's the sun!!




















Dolphin getting breakfast.


Those sea shells in the daylight!!


On the way back we stopped at one pullout. I had seen some flamingos just prior so we were hoping we would loop back close to them. No such luck.








Power plant that Butch thought was neat. I just see Three Mile Island or some other disaster.


The port loading a shipping container boat!!


The bridge. Double suspension.

Doctors, doctors, doctors

Today is Pre-op day. TEN appointments

First up Urology - found out WHY I'm getting scoped while in for surgery. They will place stents in the ureter between the kidney and bladder. This is now standard practice as there were cases of snipped ureters in the past. Not good! Good in that they will stent them so they are KNOWN to be what they are and be left alone. Sweet

Next was two different lab works and they were SUPER backed up. In the meantime my schedule had changed and I wasn't aware and I missed my appointment with the genetics group. Whoops!! I had to leave with my labs NOT done.

Genetics saw me anyway. That doc was very odd but very nice. He did tell me that with Dutch background (wasn't Sorensen Dutch?) there is a likelihood of a hereditary factor that they would like to look at. Ok. Fair enough. We will get that blood test on my next trip down. Oh and I have a 70+ year olds colon. He mentioned me getting this young.. blushing...thanks doc but I'm 51... ha. Nope this is an OLD persons disease. Great, just great. I have an old colon, not an old soul 😂 hahahaha

Then on to gastric for diet Dr. they stated they would ask the doctor if we continue the diet. It was a yes (damn them). So order in for more Optifast for when I leave.

I had a few minutes in between to sneak in my blood work. Yay! It was then 12:30 but I had my luke warm coffee with a shake. Yum!!!

1pm was back up to the surgeons office. Well. Dr Landmann still can't say one way or the other if a bag is in my future - will depend on how much they have to remove of the rectum. Pray for a LONG rectum - hahaha. Kidding. Pray for enough room to reconnect. He will start my operation robotically. Let's hope it stays that way and not open. BUT I will live with it either way. Waiting on the nurse for prep instructions for tomorrow. Colon cleanse here we come. Barf.
Oh weird news. They put you back together with staples that stay in forever. News to me. Never even thought to ask.

Then to the nurse for prepping instructions. Joy oh joy. Lots of instructions and cleanse as well antibiotics.

Then on to Ostomy nurse. I got to handle all the products and get to see them up close and personal. Ok. They're not that scary. And I get home health care as well when I get home. I'll get two weeks worth of product to go home with as well. Oh and lovely makings on my tummy 😜 covered in tape and liquid bandages 😄 I think they need to be made into a smiley as I now have two "eyes" in sharpie on my tummy - 😂🤣😂🤣






Yeah the smile is a bit of a smirk 😏 hahah

3pm now. A shake snuck in before my next appointment which which was pre admit....and then up to 5th floor to do admittance stuff..
Nice view.





Pre op nurse was awesome. She had a resection and was telling me to be vocal in my needs. Tell folks to use the antibacterial foam in and out of the room. And pain over a three - aka "man cold" was to warrant pain pills. Ok. Will do.

All nurses looked at me funny when I said that I would remain on the Optifast diet for the duration. It does cause constipation so I will have to be vocal about that as well and be sure I have good drugs (stool softeners in super strength) to work with on that level as well.

So. I'm prepared. Well. Sort of.

Tomorrow is antibiotics and laxatives. Gonna be a poopy day. But that's cool. I'm used to that now - sad to say. Drink lots and see what Friday brings.

Poopy day

Sad and happy day. After being diagnosed with Colorectal Cancer and being put on the Optifast diet to prep for my Lower Anterior Resection. The whole process has played hell with my bowels.

Today is 8 weeks 5 days after diagnosis and 7 weeks on this diet. ADD to this having had THREE colonoscopies in that first month.

And today I have finally had my first "normal" poop in all that time!!

Just in time to go to surgery in 5 days and start training my bowels all over again.

Happy to have finally gotten things to "normal" and sad that I'm so happy about this.

And sad knowing it starts over again in a week. 😄😂😭😄😂😭

Oh well. The silver lining is that I know it's possible to find that sweet spot again even WITH a tumor and a ticked off bowel. With no more tumor in there and better options for adding foods it should all normalize in time!!

Optifast week 7

Depending on when I weigh in, I have lost 37 or 38 pounds. Things have slowed way down from the beginning. I let the nutritionist know and she wasn't concerned so I won't be either. Done stressing over this part 😜

And as for photos. It's all in the angles.


So I noted I had my butt right at the glass edge so I moved forward and the angle was SO much more flattering 😄


And I don't feel one smidge different except I'm hungry all the time and tire a lot quicker.

IKEA on the way home from dropping Angela off was a challenge!! I "tried out" quite a few chairs and thought "hum, yeah come get me in a few" but I trudged on. I only bought $13 worth of stuff!! Shocking!!

College drop off!!

Angela is off to Kennesaw today!! My baby is a college student!!!


All packed up and ready to go!!! Yes she has inherited Bertha and Liz has been relegated back to Steve (the CRV) for the duration - or until she gets a full time job then she am an use him as a trade in. Poor Steve.

College here she comes!!



Angela's room "A" for Angela 😄


Everything dumped in!!



Still a ways to go in decorating but she's getting it all out together. 😄 she'll be home a few weeks from now to get more things from the house and settle in a bit more.

And with that the last child is starting a more independent life 😄

The cyst results are....

The cyst results are in and the stitches are out.

Turns out it was an infected follicle. Deep apparently. Honestly I was concerned over it until it popped. Mystery solved there!! Something wasn't happy and so far none of my cancerous stuff has had puss (ewh!) (ear and bum)

They looked at it, removed the stitches, said Elizabeth did a great job with it and said "let it heal, you're all good." Yay. Done and done.

No antibiotics, just let it heal and do whatever you've been doing (gently). One less thing to worry my pea brain 😀

Things seen on my walk yesterday

Blue heron pretty and BIG





There were about four of them darting across the road.





Do you see her???


Zoom in. She was hanging out in the woods staring at me for a bit

So that cyst....

The one I had biopsies over a week ago? Yeah, Liz put a water proof bandaid on it Saturday so I could finally get in the pool - it was sunny!! I didn't want to get sunscreen on the stitches.

I did my thing, blew off the deck, floated in the pool, brushed down the pool, general, outside stuff for the day. I then went in at dinner and Liz removed the bandaid to let everything breathe again and noted discharge. WTH!? So, being the non-grossed out person she is she squeezed it a bit. All I heard was , ewh and OMG and lots of paper towels were used. Suffice to say the although they didn't drain this thing at the clinic, apparently the core they took weakened the wall and it finally weakened enough and ruptured and contents were released. Yuckie!

Liz worked on it for 1/2 hour then added hydrogen peroxide and bandaged me back up. Overnight we had MORE drainage and it looks like someone stabbed me in the back! So, stitch removal may not go as planned on the 9th!

Oh well, I no longer look like Quasimodo. Ha! (It wasn't that big of a lump!)

Optifast week 6

Maybe the universe is trying to tell me to shut up about my negative feelings. My last post "poof" disappeared. Sigh

I just said I was mad. Mad at the world this week. Mad at my body and the fact that I'm NOT losing weight. I've not budged in two weeks. The worst I've find is a spoon of rice and turkey burger in cream of mushroom - a SMALL spoon mind you. Pinches of things. Just tiny smidges. Tastes of salsa. Really can't add up to more than 5 calories each. No worse than sugar free gum really and I barely chew that anymore because that tooth is NOT fixed. Another point of anger for me.

Everything is just ticking me off. I forgot to get my stupid urine test last week too. Dammit

I'm mad at the work paper trail issues. The frustration that abounds.

I'm tired of having to beg my children to pick up the friggin slack and clean the house they live in and TRASH. I'm just MAD.

Mad I keep getting woken up at the crack of dawn because someone can't stay on their half and kicks or pushes. WTF I can't sleep in anymore.

Just friggen mad!!!!!

So here's the disappointment






Yeah there is a difference from the start. But not much from last week. Sigh. I won't quit. I'll just be pissed for a bit

Small blessings

So today I have had it brought to my attention that I have had a LOT of time to adjust to the idea of this surgery. What it may mean to me with a possible ostomy. With dealing with what that will mean to me. With being able to put in paperwork to be able to telework to save time with no pay. Time to absorb. Time to adjust. Time to process.

There are a LOT of folks out there who don't have this. I have come to the realization that it's been a silver lining in my waiting timeframe.

Small blessings here and there. Little but important things.

So, yeah, waiting has been hard, but a blessing just the same.

Optifast week 5 and 5 days. I Cracked!

Today I cracked (literally?) and ate my emergency meal in place of a shake. Two eggs and 1/2 cup O.j is allowed. I substituted salsa (same calories). 5 weeks 5 days. Good a friggen'nuf. Back at it for the last two shakes today and the next two weeks. I am so over shakes. Movin to Australia so I can have veggies 😂

After a bit of a panic...

After a bit of a panic over not loosing anything in almost a week I am pleased to say I lost another three pounds.
I typically have been posting these every two weeks but after my bowel woes and not losing any for a week I figured I would do a 5 week update anyway.






Not noticeable to most folks as fat really does mush into clothes. But I notice that there is one set of pants (I have a few of the same ones) just don't work anymore. They are too loose around the waist. The rest of my clothing fits close to the same.

I guess that's the difference between needing to lose 20lbs vs needing to lose 100.

Weight loss as of today is 28 pounds.
I think I want me to be at 40 pounds lost or more to do the surgery. I don't know that it's possible at the current rate of loss. I average 12.5 every two weeks or so and I have three weeks to go until surgery... so I keep plugging away.

I have been more and more obsessed with food or the lack there of. I was NEVER this obsessed with food in the past. I enjoyed food. I ate food when I wanted and how I wanted, but not out of the normal time frames. Portions was my issue.

I haven't broken down and eaten the "emergency" meal yet (2 eggs). I have that fear that they will look at me and say "nope, still too fat, can't do the surgery". The doubt that they would do that but I want them to know I'll do what it takes to get this done.

The other irrational side is hoping that by this show of strength they will truly avoid the ileostomy. I'm sure my fortitude will have no bearing if I get the ileostomy or not, but the thought is stuck in my brain!!

HOWEVER if I do have to have a bag I feel more prepared in that I have some reach back to support and help on line. I'll deal either way... however may still be vocal about not liking it and not liking the idea of ANOTHER major surgery later to reconnect!!

I have opened the gates of hell

Oh good lord be careful what you wish for. Apparently I have unblocked and unblocked. And unblocked. Lordie.

I shall not complain too loudly as I'm finally able to get things moving...however time to back off the laxative portion of the regimen!!

My poor bum!!

Ok nobody freak

I have a cyst about the middle of my back. It's about dime size and not growing. It's noticeable as a kid found it while scratching my back. Hum.

Ok I admit I'm freaking a little too. I went to the dermatologist today. They took a BIG core sample (smaller than an eraser width, but just barely, and about that long too). It's solid - nothing to drain. She said "it's probably nothing".

Yes, it's off to pathology with it! I find out in two weeks what it is.

Good gawd if it's not one thing it's another!!

So the 9th I find out what it is.

Where's my Gold star???

(Fixed the title from old to Gold!)
Today I 💩'd without noticeable blood.

Yes, it's a victory for me. I'm drugged to do it but I will NOT complain about that fact!!

I found my balance of:
Morning:
1 Stool softener
Fiber
AfterNoon:
1 Stool softener
Fiber
Bedtime:
2 stool softeners with a light laxative

This seems to work without disturbing the locals (aka no bleeding!)

Let's see if this holds for a week or three!!

Tuesday trauma (ok, not really)

So today was another visit to Mayo. I chose to go solo on this trip. I could have had company, but really, why?  It's a long drive south, for a few minutes here and there and more waiting than anything.

I also chose to go surface roads on the way down. It was a nice change of pace. I went pretty much directly south east. Straight shot. I also finished the book on tape a co-worker loaned me. It was a Jack Reacher book 12CDs. It had a nice twist at the end. I actually was already on disk 7 from the last trip down 😀  I finished on the way home at Tifton. I really need to get a few more of those for drives. They're great distractions.

So, the doctors (nutritionist) visits. I'm right on track for surgery. They will substitute NOTHING. I'm warned against doing the emergency food because they need me to lose the weight. I'm right at 25 pounds lost over four weeks. The thought is that I will be at the desired BMI by the time I get to surgery. They're happy with the progression and she sent a note to the doc stating as such. AND I don't have to see her until I'm down there for surgery. Sweet!

Personally I'm over this. I told the nutritionist it's too much sweet for too long and I'm having a hard time choking down the 5th shake of the day. She warned me about that too as dropping that last 160 calories may do more harm than good as the 800 calories is supposed to be the tipping point of not going into starvation mode and allowing me to lose still. I seriously call bull shit on the whole thing. I'm already in starvation mode.  

Sigh. So no weight change since Sunday. Not shocking as mine at home is no clothing at there I'm IN clothing 😜 Thinking they would NOT want me to strip in the halls - bwahahaha!

And so it continues for another three weeks!

Optifast week4

Unofficial weight loss is 24.5 lbs. let's call it 25, shall we?!
So the reason folks don't notice is this:


Jammie's and clothing are the SAME week. Week 4. Clothing adds bulk. Hum. Note to self need more slimming clothing but these are comfortable!!

You'll see a stark difference in these shots too as far as clothing not showing the losses





BUT we all know the truth. If I maintain current trend I should be about 50lbs down for surgery. That's good. Much less risk for me. That's a plus. Much easier for the doc to do what he needs. A plus for him.

This week has been a BITTER and ANGRY week for me. These yahoos on line who are spouting colon cancer is a lifestyle and that's the only reason you have it are in my last nerves. I have seen hundreds on line saying they were runners, athletes with GREAT eating habits and they have cancer. But these yahoos keep spouting "change this", "change that" and you won't have reoccurrence. Just makes me mad 😡. They are NOT researchers. They are not scientists if so then the world wouldn't have cancers in healthy individuals EVER. Grrrr. Oh well I walked away from that conversation in there.

That and I haven't pooped. Yeah enough to make anyone an angry person. Are you super happy to read about poop? I have pooped once (maybe twice) in the last almost two weeks. I am drinking over 64ozs of water a day. Sometimes I may be right at the limits but honestly I add more ice to my shakes than they say to, so I get more liquid there (and it's watering down the sweetness as well). So I don't think it's a lack of liquids. And I'm peeing a LOT so I'm well hydrated. More so than I've ever been in my life! But no poop.

I went to the pharmacist and laid it in the line. Gave him the diagnosis, the tumor Location and not wanting to do anything harsh, but needing some relief. He gave me stool softeners with a laxative and some probiotics. Ok.

I had a very loose passing with blood on day three of the softener/laxative but only after I took three instead of two the night prior and I paid for it with cramping and general discomfort for the day....and blood not a lot, but blood. Remember I haven't had blood in normal life situations since the 5th of June after popcorn. So this doesn't make me a happy woman.

So weigh in is actually when I'm full of poop too - ha. I'm so over this already and I have a YEAR or a while lifetime to deal with these poop issues. Ugh. What's a girl to do? "I just wanna go poop, I just wanna be normal again!" Said in her BEST Private Benjamin voice (if you're young, rent the movie!!)

And let's do talk about this diet. I'm OVER it. Tooooooomuch friggen sweets!! I know, I know, WHO says that? Hum a woman who has had nothing but strawberry, chocolate or vanilla ANYTHING in FOUR WEEKS!! Yes, I'm gonna yell at that one. I'm tired of sweet!!!

I have been horrible in the last week. I look at shake number 5 and think "oh hell no" and go to bed instead. Really. I just can't hang any more.

Tuesday is the day I see the nutritionist. I was going to cancel and ask to do the blood work and weigh in here but decided I need to TALK to her. I'm looking at can labels lately and thinking I can eat a whole can of green beans for 60 calories. A WHOLE CAN!! I know, I know nutritional value. Bah. I'm over it!! I can't become malnourished in four weeks I'm sure!!

So. That's where I am. I think this qualifies as the "emergency" that they told me to eat the eggs. But even then I look at the Orange Juice they want me to consume with that. Uh, no!! The calories in that would give me FOUR tablespoons of pico instead. Suck it lady!! Tomatoes are fruits, right??